Because We Feel Like It | Blog.OneRiot.com - Blogging the Pulse of the Web

Renaming Mel Gibson’s Octo-Spawn

11/03/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Because We Feel Like it, Gossip

The Summary: Mel Gibson becomes a father of eight children - and OneRiot renames them all.

Everyone loves when celebrities have babies, because the names they grace them with offer solid proof that they operate on a whole different plane of existence. However, the latest celebrity couple to a offer a up new piece of offspring, Mel Gibson and Russian girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, steered clear of the whack baby-naming trend with the acceptably normal baby handle of Lucia. While we’re disappointed with Gibson’s inability to shock with his baby-naming skills, we guess his other forms of insanity will have to suffice. Still, it’s more fun to ask what if - as in, what if Mel Gibson let his celebrity insanity carry over to his children by way of oddball names? What could he have come up with? In honor of Gibson’s eight children, we present you with Top 8 alternative crazy Mel Gibson baby names.

1. Sugartits Plum Fairy Gibson- Mel Gibson obviously has respect for females. Otherwise he wouldn’t have knocked up his wife seven times and drunkenly referred to the cop that pulled him over for DUI as “Sugartits”. Sugartits alone sounds a little crass to name a baby girl…but by taking after Bob Geldof who just seems to adorn birth names with plenty of pretty words, Plum Fairy should make little SugarT a rather precious addition to the family tree. (more…)

Tags: Babies, Mel Gibson

Censor that Mouth & Stay the *#@ Out of Trouble

11/03/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Because We Feel Like it

picture-452

The Summary: Learn from the mistakes of Kane Kellett, and get a lesson in cursing with tact.

The Search: Kane Kellett

No matter how much bile and vinegar you’ve got churning around in you, you’ve got to be weary of where it leaks out. Kane Kellett was appearing in court for breaking, entering, and intent to smack victim’s head with flashlight (an oddly common charge in Illinois) when he decided to bolster his bad boy image. Right off the bat, he responded to the judge’s inquiry as to whether or not he had an attorney with a defiant ‘F— no’. His responses to the following questions were all preceded by a strongly toned ‘F—’ shortly after which it was decided that he be treated as a hostile witness, upon which Kellett responded with only the word ‘F—’. This degenerated further while 24 year old was being sworn in. At a loss for words, even his favorite ‘F—’, Kellett decided to express his sentiments to the judge with the ancient art of sign language. (more…)

OneRiot’s Last Minute Costume Guide for Slackers

10/30/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Because We Feel Like it

Muahaha, Spooky greetings OneRioters! Here we are on the cusp of yet another Haunted All Hallow’s Eve ready to gorge ourselves on Candy corns (yechh!) and Fun-sized Nestle Crunch (yum!). Are you with us? Well, before you secure enough sweets to last you the next financial quarter, you’re going to have to stop stomping around the neighborhood in your everyday gear, because no one wants to give M&Ms to a banker or a dad casually dressed in Eddie Bauer gear, unless you can convince them that your costume is “1995 Man.” So if you’ve waited til the last minute and have yet to secure a quality costume for Saturday’s big costume party or trick or treat trek, we here at OneRiot have a few suggestions to help you stand out amongst a sea of balloon boys and Jon and Kate Plus Eight impersonators. So without further ado, the OneRiot last minute Halloween costume guide for those who have yet to decide:

Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger- Dust off that old sport coat and procure a pair of pilot wings, a nifty hat and a sweet white stache. Carry with you a tupperware labeled “Hudson River” filled with water and a mini toy plane. Throughout the party keep landing your toy plane safely in the tupperware. Everyone at the party will consider you a hero. If you don’t want to carry around the tupperware you can just keep dropping your plane in other people’s drinks…but we suspect that could be annoying.

Halloween 2008 - Last year Sarah Palin costumes were all the rage. You probably even dressed as the former Alaska governor. You’re so creative. So why not pull that power suit out with the American flag lapel pin out of the closet, make your hair look all sexy librarian-ish and slap on that pair of New Year’s 2008 glasses you’ve held onto hoping to somehow get another use out of. For good measure grab yourself a piggy bank and slap some lipstick on that thing and maybe glue some old candy wrappers to your person. Voila! (more…)

Tags: Costumes, Halloween

Throw a Rocking Funeral With Wal-Mart

10/30/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Because We Feel Like it

The funeral business in America has been a racket ever since an undertaker figured out that folks in grief are easy marks. This legacy of opportunism has been passed down for generations, which is why you see funeral homes touting on their awnings just how long they’ve been disposing of the lifeless. Well, mom and pop are getting another royal screw job from Wal-Mart, as the megastore has just rolled out a line of caskets for today’s approaching-death patron on the go. While most of the small businesses Wal-Mart drives into the ground are honest people trying to make a living, this just might be one scheme that has great value for the customer. In fact, why not plan your entire funeral through Wal-Mart!?

The Suit - You want to look good when you go down. And I mean you, specifically. I’m into the cremation thing, personally. But you. You need to look stylin’ when you’re descending into the earth. Now, Wal-Mart doesn’t have much by way of suits, but these handsome Dickies Big Men’s Bib Overalls are equally classy, and far more rugged. For an extra bad ass look, have someone leave one of the shoulder straps undone for a looks that says “Yeah I’m dead, but this carburetor isn’t going to fix itself”. $30.50

The Preservative - Do you know how much a bottle of formaldehyde costs? If you’re planning a funeral, you know the answer is ‘way out of your budget’. Instead, locate a Wal-Mart equipped with a supermarket and buy a dozen jars of pickles at a bargain price. After all, pickle brine is nature’s human flesh preservative. $28.44 (more…)

Tags: Death, Walmart

When We Were Young

10/27/09 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under Because We Feel Like it

Citizens of the realtime web are patrons of the present. They’re always up on the newest gadgets, latest headlines, juiciest rumors—getting fresh content as it emerges, and looking towards the future. However today those realtimers must have been feeling a little nostalgic, as the social web started swapping memories of when #WhenWeWereYoung. From fond recollections of sneakers with lights in them, or the words to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle theme-song, mini blasts from the pasts were sent out in a consistent stream throughout the day. While some people obviously didn’t “get it” and expressed their confusion as to why a “Killers” song was trending, most were quick to join in on the reminiscent bandwagon. (more…)

Tags: 80's, raisins, Trends

Itching for Some Snowtastic Action?

10/21/09 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under Because We Feel Like it, OneRiot News

While we’ve just began to dust off those dangling dancing skeletons and pick out a couple of pumpkins for our doorstep, another more icicly season is creeping upon us. Sure, we still have a couple months before winter is in full force, but it hasn’t stopped us from romantically longing for all the snowy goodness that winter brings. This has resulted in us spending hours daydreaming of the slopes and checking countless Warren Miller films out to get psyched for the upcoming season. (However we’re technically not supposed to mix our favorite pastimes with work, so we decided to create a little loophole and make it our work.)

Introducing PulseOnSkiing, our newest account to the RiotFeed family. Check it out for awesome videos, mountain reports, cutting edge ski gear, and more to get you (even more) pumped to hit those double diamonds. Ow Ow! (more…)

Tags: skiing, Snow, winter

Flickr is Do..oh Nevermind, it’s Back up Again

10/20/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Because We Feel Like it, Industry

There is an air of bummed-outted-ness clouding the Twairwaves today, as Flickr, a fan favorite is struggling with technical difficulties and is temporarily unavailable. Whoop…there it is working again. I’m totally serious, I started writing about how it was down at 2:13 and at 2:18, bam. Fixed. Within that brief five minte period, Tweets have gone from the maudlin
to exuberant exclamations of

(more…)

Uses for a Rotting Corpse on Halloween

10/19/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Because We Feel Like it

Beginning sometime around our gentle transition into the autumn season, the word “Halloween” began appearing as a trending topic on the minds of many a realtime search monger. While it’s true a good deal of the hubbub is merely result of users reading up on their favorite spooky sugar-coated candies or attempting to get a head start on finding the perfect costume, (like @trexy79 who’s considering stealing my costume from 5 years ago,) not all of the Halloween buzz is centered around candy or fun dress up ideas.

(more…)

Tags: Death, Halloween

Faux Balloon Boy Becomes Instant Realtime Legend

10/15/09 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under Because We Feel Like it, US

While the search was on to find Falcon Heene, a six year old boy who was believed to be carried away by a foil helium balloon, people turned to the realtime web to stay informed on his whereabouts and well-being. The child went missing from his Colorado home, leading authorities to think he had crawled into a homemade balloon basket before it was untethered, sending him thousands of feet in the air. However, when the balloon touched down over fifty miles away, there was no sign of the child. (Read more about the story here.)

While new updates and details were being released moment by moment, people took to their Twitter accounts to discuss the happenings. Within minutes of the story releasing today, #BalloonBoy became a trending topic, and in a ten minute span over 3,700 tweets with the hash-tag were featured. Some expressed genuine concern and sympathy, while others made light of the incredible yet tragic situation. Some one trying to make a quick buck even designed T-Shirts depicting a foil balloon with the words “Go Falcon, Go” on the front. Falcon Rick-Rolls were sent, Balloon-Boy Kanye memes were swapped, and even theories that this was a publicity stunt for the show “Wife Swap,” on which the boy’s family appeared, were whispered. (more…)

With Great Power Comes Great Twesponsibility

10/15/09 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under Because We Feel Like it, Gossip, Industry

Last night, thousands of status updates were sent out into the Twittersphere by concerned individuals who believed they were passing on an Amber Alert for a three year old boy. Descriptions of the perp’s Mitsubishi Eclipse and license plate spread like wildfire, and #98B351 quickly became a trending topic. Not long after, celebrity @KhloeKardashian retweeted it, triggering over 3,655 different tweets in the span of one hour. A simple search engine check up, however, would reveal that this “missing boy” alert had been circulating for over two weeks, a man-made story that could not be validated by legitimate missing persons resources. In fact, it had been tracked moving coast to coast, slowly infiltrating text messages, Facebook accounts, and other pathways of technology everywhere. Last night would just be the point it would make its trending topic comeback after a week of dormancy. Whether the alert was fake to begin with, or truly once genuine, was information hidden somewhere in the bowls of the internet. (more…)

Tags: Death, hoax, Twitter

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