Happy Fourth, everybody - enjoy your fireworks, families, and freedom to do pretty much whatever the heck you want. We’ll catch you next week!
Archive for the ‘Because We Feel Like it’ Category
Pound It: It’s National Fist Bump Day!
6/03/09 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under Because We Feel Like it, Featured, US
Handshakes are way too corporate, and high-fives are just so old-school. The world needs a new dominant greeting ritual, and thanks to the Obama’s famous public display of two knuckles pounding, the popularity of the “fist bump” is beginning to skyrocket. Today that rocket may shoot even higher, as June 3 marks the first installation of National Fist Bump Day, a full 24 hours of bumpin’ and greetin’ that should de-stuff boardrooms everywhere.
Celebrate friendship, America, and metaphorically join hands by making the conscious decision not to.
While transitions from medieval forms of hand introductions are always difficult, our list of five reasons why the fist bump rocks should help you easily wave good-bye to traditional hand-hellos. Celebrate friendship, America, and metaphorically join hands by making the conscious decision not to.
Games We’re Playing // Taxiball!
5/21/09 - Posted by Carmel Hagen under Because We Feel Like it, Industry, Life at OneRiot
We’re not sure exactly when it happened, but somewhere between the very first iPhone game and the 100,000th app submission we started to feel worn down. In fact, some of us flat out quit paying attention, because taking incriminating pictures of our exes when they thought we were just sending a text was fun enough. But lo and behold, there’s a new iPhone game on the scene, and this one might just be worth wasting hours of our lives on - like out of respect, not just spite for our boss.
It’s called Taxiball, and it uses tilt sensors to control a ball as it rolls around. Seems standard - until you start realizing where you can roll the ball to. Taxiball comes from the brains at Self Aware Games, and we owe them all kinds of high fives for stepping in to fill the buckets of extra time we have while trying to build a search engine. Was that sarcastic? No, just funtastic. Really.
Serious action shots and link to a full review after the jump…
Venomous Fridge Freezes San Jose Building
5/13/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Because We Feel Like it, Science, USAfter the copier and the fax machine, the fridge stands as the most abused office appliance. While the maintenance of every other item shared by co-workers is essential to actual work, it is a brave soul who dares to venture into the pulsing compost heap. Today in San Jose, someone opened Pandora’s box.
The combination odor of decomposing things once delicious filled the entire office, causing a scene that we have creatively re-enacted for your convenience. Finally, someone had the sense to call 911, seeing that it would take trained professionals to contain the carnage. Seven people were carted to to the hospital, The AT&T building was evacuated and a hazmat team was sent in. Upon hearing the news, Marcel Audiffren’s ghost shook his head and said “Not like this…not like this…”
Brit Nabs “World’s Best Job”
5/06/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Because We Feel Like itRemember when the internets had a seizure over the “Best Job in the World?” Now, that story has an ending.
Ben Southall, an intrepid Englishman with a taste for adventure (and seawater) has beaten out 34,000 other applicants to win the coveted title of Caretaker of a tropical island. The island, located in Queensland, Australia, has a front row seat to the Great Barrier Reef, which Southall will report on via blog during his six month appointment. Other responsibilities include cleaning the pool, feeding the animals, frolicking in the island’s lush meadows, and skipping stones while taking long, moonlit walks on the beach.
Applicants pulled various stunts, including singing their applications and nearly freezing to death, to win over what is either the hardest working HR department in the world, or a room full of reality TV executives. Perks of the position include free airfare to the nearest city, trips to other islands, and tons of computer and camera gear. Southall has everything he needs to make him happy; he’s in paradise and is surrounded by countless toys. Now all he has to overcome is the crushing loneliness such a job entails. Oh, and ‘The Serpent.’
Aptly Named “Transformer” Building Can Contort Form Like Prada Model
4/24/09 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under Because We Feel Like itAdding another chapter to the world’s most obnoxious pissing contest, South Korea retaliated against the North Korea’s recent missile launch with the announcement of a clearly fictional ‘shape-shifting building.’ Okay, sure.
As if it were a real invention, officials in Seoul announced that ‘The Transformer’—funded by the shadowy figure-filled Prada Group—can actually change its dimensions based on the needs of anyone using it. Riiiight. Anyway, the building is set to be unveiled in just a few hours as the site of Miuccia Prada’s new fashion show. Hopefully the South Korean government can think of an excuse as to why it’s not ‘ready’ when Kim Jong Il comes calling for tickets. “Uh, what? The Transformer? Ha, haha, oh Kim Jong Il, that was just a joke…please don’t bomb us!”
The De-Glamourization of Football
4/24/09 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under Because We Feel Like it, SportsAll over the world, sad old men are chomping at the bit for a chance to relive their only glory days on the gridiron. And now, for some reason, God has smiled upon a few of them and made it so. Someone decided it was a good idea to have a bunch of out-of-shape meatheads duke it out to settle the score of a 1993 football game between rivals Phillipsburg High School and Easton Area High School - and perhaps more depressingly, 10,000 fans voiced their concurrence by snatching up every last ticket to the game in under 90 minutes.
The event, orchestrated by Gatorade, will take place this Sunday at Fisher Stadium in Easton, Pennsylvania. Rumor has it Uncle Rico will be starting at quarterback for Phillipsburg. Maybe this time he can finally take state.
Stripping Cougar Slashed by Jelousy (and a Stiletto)
4/21/09 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under Because We Feel Like itImagine this: A pulsing beat drums faintly in the background as two saucy strippers primp and prepare to take the neon. The xxx rated women are rivals at the local strip joint, and both are fighting to be the top dog. One’s an old talent, the other a fresh face eager to entertain on her first night on the job. Tensions are high as the music begins to get louder. Their spray on tans glistening under the strobe lights, and long legs accentuated with their stiletto heels. Then, disaster strikes. This gentleman’s club ain’t big enough for the both of him, as the vixen veteran, upset with having to share the spotlight, rips off her pointy heeled shoe and begins to rabidly attack the newbie’s face with the shoe. (We’ll then indulge our gentleman readers and assume that this lead to intense hair pulling, scratching, and of course wrestling in pudding.)
While one may think that this is the plot for a low budget x-rated film, it was in fact a reality that took place the other day in Akron, Ohio. Police were called to the scene, and the victim was treated at the local hospital with seven staples all induced by multiple heel attacks to the face. Ouch.
Men: while we’d like to think that this scenario indulged your strip club-beatdown fantasies more than anything before it, we would also like to add that one of the strippers was 52 years old. So unless cougars are your thing… wait - did I just hear your dreams shattering?
Tax Day Freebies: Perks for Your Hurts
4/15/09 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under Because We Feel Like it, EconomyYou know what takes away the bitter pain of owing the IRS hundreds upon hundreds of dollars? A baja chicken taco, that’s what.
So - maybe not all of it - but all exaggeration aside, a couple of freebies on tax day are sure to make you feel a little, eensy, tinesy bit better. Shops all over the country are throwing in some complimentary goodies on account of this being the worst day of the year, and it’s your duty as a tax-paying American to take advantage of this glorious opportunity. Here are some of our favorite treats of the day:
Subway: Screw eating fresh. Go for the free greasy cookie that they are offering with their meals! MMM chocolatey!
Cinnabon: Free bite-sized cinnamon rolls from 5 to 8pm today (airport locations exempt, bastards.)
Chick-fil-A: While only featured in some locations, the chickeny fast food joint is letting you buy lunch, then return in the next 15 days with your receipt to get that same meal for free. Sweet.
T.G.I. Friday’s: Love artichoke dip? Well depending on how much you shell out at dinner or lunch today, you could snag a $5 or $10 gift card. (And it’s only Wednesday!)
HydroMassage Bed: Offering free Hyrdromassages at hundreds of outlets across the country (which is cool and kinda creepy at the same time).
OneRiot: I am offering my witty one liners and jokes up all day. Best freebie in town. Follow us on Twitter (and follow me too).
Lo & BeHOLD ON… Mom’s on Facebook?!
4/13/09 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under Because We Feel Like it, IndustryIf you know what’s good for you, you’ll delete those keg-stand pics and put that pink-panties frat-party album on “private.” While Facebook used to be a safe-haven for teens behaving badly, a dark menacing army has infiltrated it’s way into the bowels of Facebook, slowly taking over the social networking site. Their numbers are huge, and their will is strong. Yes my young friends, beware of threatening parentals who are seeking to destroy all that is co-ed in our beloved Facebook.
In the last few months, this older crowd has been taking to the social at a faster rate than any other age demographic. While they benevolently claim it’s to more efficiently stay in tune with the lives of children and grandchildren, we all know deep down that the real reason is to keep an eye out for shenanigans that their offspring may be partaking in. Currently there are now about 1.5 million female users older than 55 on the social site, which roughly translates to a 550% increase over six months ago (and we’re going to assume that only a small fraction of those women are cougars purely out on the prowl). Growth in the same period for the under 25 crew was only up a tinsy 20%. If this trend continues, Facebook life as we know it is sure to cease. This may be a good time to point out the site’s privacy features, which can be found here.
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