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Archive for the ‘Because We Feel Like it’ Category

The Many Faces of Facebook

11/11/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Because We Feel Like it

The Story: Your Facebook profile pic is a scientific look at your character perception. OneRiot helps decode your mysterious avatar.

The Search: Facebook

In the nonchalant early days of Facebook, your favorite movie was listed as ‘porn’, your hobbies included ‘getting totally wasted’, and your picture was a captured moment of youthful irreverence, perhaps depicting you watching porn and getting wasted. When you read that news story about a guy who got fired because his employer had somehow discovered Facebook and seen the capsule of your misbehavior known as a ‘Profile’, your page got a makeover that depicted you as a gentle-person and listed your refinements (it doesn’t matter that you made these changes while sitting around drinking a beer and watching adult entertainment). Now, a study confirms that the first impressions given by your picture have an effect on how you are perceived by others. In our world of social media and the diminished need for actual contact, this is more relevant than ever. (more…)

Tags: Facebook

Giving the NFL a Stylish Makeover

11/10/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Because We Feel Like it, Sports

The Story: The Fast Company Blog gives suggestions for NFL uniform changes. OneRiot develops our own in response.

The Search: NFL Design

We’re less than two full days removed from the 9th Sunday of the NFL season and it’s already been a super eventful week, ranging from the handing over of playbooks to the handling of fake bribes. Yet one of the more popular stories catching the attention of Gridiron devotees on the realtime has more to do with graphic designs than goal line stands. Ken Carbone of the Fast Company blog has a few suggestions for teams who could stand to improve their helmet logos. We agree with Ken that some teams could certainly improve their visual representation, but in terms of Mr. Carbone’s actual changes, we think most of his helmet ideas look like unwelcome throwbacks akin to the New York Jets fairly consistent employment this season of their old school “New York Titans” uniforms. So rather than cede the point to Mr. Carbone, we here at OneRiot have some of our own opinions, to improve both that which is unsightly and that which is unseemly in the realm of the NFL. So without further ado, our list of well-warranted surface NFL alterations.

1. Oakland Raiders- There are two options for the Raiders here. The marauder on the side of their helmet isn’t scaring anyone anymore nearly as much as the QB play of JaMarcus Russell (and not in a good way). As a reminder that the inhabitants of the Black Hole used to be a championship caliber punch-you-in-the-mouth football team, the Raiders should replace the “Raider” with a photo of coach Tom Cable with arm cocked ready to punch the opponent in the jaw, just as he did his Assistant Randy Hanson. However amid allegations the that Cable has also been violent towards women, the Raiders might want to keep it on the safe side and change the photo to a recent image of Oakland Crypt-keeper/Owner Al Davis to strike fear into the hearts of opponents and let them know that death is nigh.

2. Carolina Panthers and Jacksonville Jaguars- Every new team that emerged in any sport between 1991 and 1995 for some reason incorporated the color Teal into their uniforms (San Jose Sharks, Florida Marlins). It’s about time we excised that color both present in these teams on-field outfits from the sports decorating scheme as it just seems like the product of a bygone era where the incorporation of team colors into a pair of NFL sanctioned Zubaz pants took precedence over the actual visual appeal. (more…)

Tags: Football, NFL

Renaming Mel Gibson’s Octo-Spawn

11/03/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Because We Feel Like it, Gossip

The Summary: Mel Gibson becomes a father of eight children - and OneRiot renames them all.

The Search: Mel Gibson’s Baby

Everyone loves when celebrities have babies, because the names they grace them with offer solid proof that they operate on a whole different plane of existence. However, the latest celebrity couple to a offer a up new piece of offspring, Mel Gibson and Russian girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, steered clear of the whack baby-naming trend with the acceptably normal baby handle of Lucia. While we’re disappointed with Gibson’s inability to shock with his baby-naming skills, we guess his other forms of insanity will have to suffice. Still, it’s more fun to ask what if - as in, what if Mel Gibson let his celebrity insanity carry over to his children by way of oddball names? What could he have come up with? In honor of Gibson’s eight children, we present you with Top 8 alternative crazy Mel Gibson baby names.

1. Sugartits Plum Fairy Gibson- Mel Gibson obviously has respect for females. Otherwise he wouldn’t have knocked up his wife seven times and drunkenly referred to the cop that pulled him over for DUI as “Sugartits”. Sugartits alone sounds a little crass to name a baby girl…but by taking after Bob Geldof who just seems to adorn birth names with plenty of pretty words, Plum Fairy should make little SugarT a rather precious addition to the family tree. (more…)

Tags: Babies, Mel Gibson

Censor that Mouth & Stay the *#@ Out of Trouble

11/03/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Because We Feel Like it

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The Summary: Learn from the mistakes of Kane Kellett, and get a lesson in cursing with tact.

The Search: Kane Kellett

No matter how much bile and vinegar you’ve got churning around in you, you’ve got to be weary of where it leaks out. Kane Kellett was appearing in court for breaking, entering, and intent to smack victim’s head with flashlight (an oddly common charge in Illinois) when he decided to bolster his bad boy image. Right off the bat, he responded to the judge’s inquiry as to whether or not he had an attorney with a defiant ‘F— no’. His responses to the following questions were all preceded by a strongly toned ‘F—’ shortly after which it was decided that he be treated as a hostile witness, upon which Kellett responded with only the word ‘F—’. This degenerated further while 24 year old was being sworn in. At a loss for words, even his favorite ‘F—’, Kellett decided to express his sentiments to the judge with the ancient art of sign language. (more…)

OneRiot’s Last Minute Costume Guide for Slackers

10/30/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Because We Feel Like it

Muahaha, Spooky greetings OneRioters! Here we are on the cusp of yet another Haunted All Hallow’s Eve ready to gorge ourselves on Candy corns (yechh!) and Fun-sized Nestle Crunch (yum!). Are you with us? Well, before you secure enough sweets to last you the next financial quarter, you’re going to have to stop stomping around the neighborhood in your everyday gear, because no one wants to give M&Ms to a banker or a dad casually dressed in Eddie Bauer gear, unless you can convince them that your costume is “1995 Man.” So if you’ve waited til the last minute and have yet to secure a quality costume for Saturday’s big costume party or trick or treat trek, we here at OneRiot have a few suggestions to help you stand out amongst a sea of balloon boys and Jon and Kate Plus Eight impersonators. So without further ado, the OneRiot last minute Halloween costume guide for those who have yet to decide:

Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger- Dust off that old sport coat and procure a pair of pilot wings, a nifty hat and a sweet white stache. Carry with you a tupperware labeled “Hudson River” filled with water and a mini toy plane. Throughout the party keep landing your toy plane safely in the tupperware. Everyone at the party will consider you a hero. If you don’t want to carry around the tupperware you can just keep dropping your plane in other people’s drinks…but we suspect that could be annoying.

Halloween 2008 - Last year Sarah Palin costumes were all the rage. You probably even dressed as the former Alaska governor. You’re so creative. So why not pull that power suit out with the American flag lapel pin out of the closet, make your hair look all sexy librarian-ish and slap on that pair of New Year’s 2008 glasses you’ve held onto hoping to somehow get another use out of. For good measure grab yourself a piggy bank and slap some lipstick on that thing and maybe glue some old candy wrappers to your person. Voila! (more…)

Tags: Costumes, Halloween

Throw a Rocking Funeral With Wal-Mart

10/30/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Because We Feel Like it

The funeral business in America has been a racket ever since an undertaker figured out that folks in grief are easy marks. This legacy of opportunism has been passed down for generations, which is why you see funeral homes touting on their awnings just how long they’ve been disposing of the lifeless. Well, mom and pop are getting another royal screw job from Wal-Mart, as the megastore has just rolled out a line of caskets for today’s approaching-death patron on the go. While most of the small businesses Wal-Mart drives into the ground are honest people trying to make a living, this just might be one scheme that has great value for the customer. In fact, why not plan your entire funeral through Wal-Mart!?

The Suit - You want to look good when you go down. And I mean you, specifically. I’m into the cremation thing, personally. But you. You need to look stylin’ when you’re descending into the earth. Now, Wal-Mart doesn’t have much by way of suits, but these handsome Dickies Big Men’s Bib Overalls are equally classy, and far more rugged. For an extra bad ass look, have someone leave one of the shoulder straps undone for a looks that says “Yeah I’m dead, but this carburetor isn’t going to fix itself”. $30.50

The Preservative - Do you know how much a bottle of formaldehyde costs? If you’re planning a funeral, you know the answer is ‘way out of your budget’. Instead, locate a Wal-Mart equipped with a supermarket and buy a dozen jars of pickles at a bargain price. After all, pickle brine is nature’s human flesh preservative. $28.44 (more…)

Tags: Death, Walmart

When We Were Young

10/27/09 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under Because We Feel Like it

Citizens of the realtime web are patrons of the present. They’re always up on the newest gadgets, latest headlines, juiciest rumors—getting fresh content as it emerges, and looking towards the future. However today those realtimers must have been feeling a little nostalgic, as the social web started swapping memories of when #WhenWeWereYoung. From fond recollections of sneakers with lights in them, or the words to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle theme-song, mini blasts from the pasts were sent out in a consistent stream throughout the day. While some people obviously didn’t “get it” and expressed their confusion as to why a “Killers” song was trending, most were quick to join in on the reminiscent bandwagon. (more…)

Tags: 80's, raisins, Trends

Itching for Some Snowtastic Action?

10/21/09 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under Because We Feel Like it, OneRiot News

While we’ve just began to dust off those dangling dancing skeletons and pick out a couple of pumpkins for our doorstep, another more icicly season is creeping upon us. Sure, we still have a couple months before winter is in full force, but it hasn’t stopped us from romantically longing for all the snowy goodness that winter brings. This has resulted in us spending hours daydreaming of the slopes and checking countless Warren Miller films out to get psyched for the upcoming season. (However we’re technically not supposed to mix our favorite pastimes with work, so we decided to create a little loophole and make it our work.)

Introducing PulseOnSkiing, our newest account to the RiotFeed family. Check it out for awesome videos, mountain reports, cutting edge ski gear, and more to get you (even more) pumped to hit those double diamonds. Ow Ow! (more…)

Tags: skiing, Snow, winter

Flickr is Do..oh Nevermind, it’s Back up Again

10/20/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Because We Feel Like it, Industry

There is an air of bummed-outted-ness clouding the Twairwaves today, as Flickr, a fan favorite is struggling with technical difficulties and is temporarily unavailable. Whoop…there it is working again. I’m totally serious, I started writing about how it was down at 2:13 and at 2:18, bam. Fixed. Within that brief five minte period, Tweets have gone from the maudlin
to exuberant exclamations of

(more…)

Uses for a Rotting Corpse on Halloween

10/19/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Because We Feel Like it

Beginning sometime around our gentle transition into the autumn season, the word “Halloween” began appearing as a trending topic on the minds of many a realtime search monger. While it’s true a good deal of the hubbub is merely result of users reading up on their favorite spooky sugar-coated candies or attempting to get a head start on finding the perfect costume, (like @trexy79 who’s considering stealing my costume from 5 years ago,) not all of the Halloween buzz is centered around candy or fun dress up ideas.

(more…)

Tags: Death, Halloween

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