Gossip

Renaming Mel Gibson’s Octo-Spawn

11/03/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Because We Feel Like it, Gossip

The Summary: Mel Gibson becomes a father of eight children - and OneRiot renames them all.

Everyone loves when celebrities have babies, because the names they grace them with offer solid proof that they operate on a whole different plane of existence. However, the latest celebrity couple to a offer a up new piece of offspring, Mel Gibson and Russian girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, steered clear of the whack baby-naming trend with the acceptably normal baby handle of Lucia. While we’re disappointed with Gibson’s inability to shock with his baby-naming skills, we guess his other forms of insanity will have to suffice. Still, it’s more fun to ask what if - as in, what if Mel Gibson let his celebrity insanity carry over to his children by way of oddball names? What could he have come up with? In honor of Gibson’s eight children, we present you with Top 8 alternative crazy Mel Gibson baby names.

1. Sugartits Plum Fairy Gibson- Mel Gibson obviously has respect for females. Otherwise he wouldn’t have knocked up his wife seven times and drunkenly referred to the cop that pulled him over for DUI as “Sugartits”. Sugartits alone sounds a little crass to name a baby girl…but by taking after Bob Geldof who just seems to adorn birth names with plenty of pretty words, Plum Fairy should make little SugarT a rather precious addition to the family tree. (more…)

Tags: Babies, Mel Gibson

Jackson Biography Draws the Attention of Hollywood & Interweb

10/28/09 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under Gossip, Music

In a triumphant posthumous return to the trending topics, Michael Jackson reared his beautifully-singing head on the social web when chatter about the release of his film biography reminded everyone just how influential his passing was. The new picture documents the life of the icon, along with (very) recent footage of Jackson prepping for his massive one-city stand in London (which this writer had tickets to, dammit).

In addition to several relevant celebrities, the premier of This Is It drew over 1.8 million online viewers which, at the price of $11 a move ticket (yeah, that’s what they cost now), translates to almost $20 million in revenues alone. It seems that the film will likely put a miniature dent in the debt left to Jackson’s family, and based on reviews, will give the public a chance to remember the pop icon in a positive light–Which is obviously the goal of Joe Jackson, the world’s first and only altruist.

Tags: Michael Jackson, Movies, Music

With Great Power Comes Great Twesponsibility

10/15/09 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under Because We Feel Like it, Gossip, Industry

Last night, thousands of status updates were sent out into the Twittersphere by concerned individuals who believed they were passing on an Amber Alert for a three year old boy. Descriptions of the perp’s Mitsubishi Eclipse and license plate spread like wildfire, and #98B351 quickly became a trending topic. Not long after, celebrity @KhloeKardashian retweeted it, triggering over 3,655 different tweets in the span of one hour. A simple search engine check up, however, would reveal that this “missing boy” alert had been circulating for over two weeks, a man-made story that could not be validated by legitimate missing persons resources. In fact, it had been tracked moving coast to coast, slowly infiltrating text messages, Facebook accounts, and other pathways of technology everywhere. Last night would just be the point it would make its trending topic comeback after a week of dormancy. Whether the alert was fake to begin with, or truly once genuine, was information hidden somewhere in the bowls of the internet. (more…)

Tags: Death, hoax, Twitter

Jon and Kate Plus Eight Minus Jon

9/29/09 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under Gossip

picture-1524 Bad news, Ed Hardy fans: it’s been scientifically (read: conditionally) proven (read: suggested) that wearing the brand 24/7 will ruin your career. At least, that’s what it—coupled with a series of other bad decisions—did for Jon Gosselin. The horrific fashion victim, best known for his appearances on the reality program Jon and Kate Plus Eight, has been given the heave-ho according to TLC officials.

Gosselin’s recent divorce from über-mom and notably awful wife Kate was riddled with infidelity rumors, and due to TLC’s assumed devotion to family-friendly programming, led to his eventual demise. It has been confirmed that the series spinoff, Kate Plus Eight, will continue on Jon-free.

There’s no official word on Gosselin’s future plans in TV or otherwise, but a reliable source at OneRiot (read: me) has inside information on his upcoming new reality series: Jon Plus Eight B-Team Strippers on an ATV, premiering on Spike sometime in early 2010.

Imma Let U Finish But Kim Was the Most Famous Kardashian of ALL TIME

9/24/09 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under Gossip

picture-350 It’s kind of unfair: pro basketball players are typically ginormous, but they’re always hanging out with diminutive cheerleaders, models and actresses. While we fully support the concept of giving the spoils to the victors (did you see our sweet news coverage, by the way?), it’s nice to know that at least one monolithic baller is leaving the under-six-footers to us little men.

Lamar Odom, in a move that would confuse even the blind, is marrying the…um, huskiest of the Kardashian clan, Khloe. Not only that, but the two are planning to tie the knot this weekend after less than a month of dating. What might even be funnier than the thought of their humongous children is the fact that most of Hollywood (and Planet Earth in general) is convinced the whole thing is a publicity stunt aimed at garnering Khloe some extra attention. It’s either that or a not-so-subtle heads up to Guinness…world’s tallest combined couple, anyone? Anyone?

Anyway, the wedding is set for Sunday, and while the more famous Kardashian sisters have yet to RSVP, it is rumored that Lindsay Lohan will be in attendance—invited or not.

Joko Anwar Does the Circle K No Pants Dance

9/22/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Because We Feel Like it, Gossip, International Affairs

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The current lay of the cultural landscape is littered with several kinds of social media consumers. There are the casual users who are just trying to stay connected, the recreational who find great entertainment value in the frequent status updates and interactive nature of socializing with those you can’t be near, and then there are the wholly self-obsessed who are convinced that their every move is of paramount importance on a global scale and thus worthy of the other two group’s time.

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You can count Indonesian film director Joko Anwar as a member of the latter social “me”dia generation. The director of such films as Pintu terlarang and Dead Time, Kala wielded his sword of net arrogance to more or less make convenience mart Circle K a household name for the first time since Bill and Ted traveled through time from a phone booth outside one. Anwar announced via his twitter page that once his followers topped the 3,000 mark, he would be making a rather naked jaunt to the store, assuming of course that 3,000 people wanted to see him naked buying a bottle of iced tea. The director’s challenge predictably proved the unfortunate fact that there are enough people who are more than willing to encourage such self aggrandizing, yet wholly desperate seeming behavior. Within minutes Circle K was trending all over the net and Anwar was over 3,000 followers (way over - he’s currently at 16,000).

It used to be people would do anything for a buck - now it’s just for some digital disciples and a soft drink. Unfortunately, for some Circle K employees, that meant seeing a naked film director.

Behind the scenes video coming soon to YouTube - watch Joko’s Twitter profile for updates!

Open the Floods of KanyeGate

9/15/09 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under Gossip, Life & Culture

In the ultimate act of jumping the shark since Fonzie actually jumped the shark, Kanye West all but buried his career in a pile of agonizing egotism after A) publicly humiliating sweet little Taylor Swift at the VMAs, B) issuing a half-hearted apology on his all-caps blog, and C) issuing a second apology in which he acted much like a whiny 14-year-old on Jay Leno. And while this may mark the slow and painful career demise for one of hip-hop’s most important producers, with death comes birth—in this case, the birth of 2009’s most perfect meme.

It started with Swayze. His unfortunate and untimely succumbing to cancer opened the floodgates for Twitter-based memes:

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Next, reports of President Obama’s own disdain for the self-important pop starlet (he called him a jackass on tape) led to the next wave of image-based memes: (more…)

Katy Mixon Uncovers the Philosopher in All of Us

9/09/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Gossip

Ed Note: OneRiot bloggers are directed to pull their subject matter from the day’s trending topics. Sometimes, these trends too accurately reflect the state of humanity - they suck - which means OneRiot bloggers get to do what bloggers do best: ~~whine~~ contemplate humanity. Here we go again….

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As his fingers typed “I’ll take Katy Mixon, who is trending for some reason” into the group email thread, Abdullah genuinely pondered the answer to the needless question. Why is the trashy/hot chick from Eastbound and Down suddenly trending? A little clickeroo on the trending topics bar later, the evidence lay before him, but again he found himself unsatisfied with the depth of explanation. Ok, so she’s got a minimal part in All About Steve, but how did that make her a trend? A trend: the position held by things like the iPhone, Michael Jackson, and, on days when people care, the war in Afghanistan. His expression fixed blank, he let the elusive solution slip away. Things trend because people make them, and people are a little funny sometimes. (more…)

Jay-Z Comes Back with What He Came with

9/04/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Gossip, Music

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Remember when Abraham Lincoln said “Don’t call it a comeback?”

The great thing about retirement is that it has been redefined to mean “no longer working until realizing that a comeback is very, very profitable.” These days, the quality of your music doesn’t even matter anymore, only that you said you were going to stop and you didn’t - people love that. If you lie to them, they will come. And Jay-Z knows it. (more…)

Jeter & Kelly Might Nail One Over the Fence

9/01/09 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under Gossip

picture-735 Blogs like ours are all about upholding a standard of authenticity and fact-checking; but sometimes we like to throw a curveball story containing unaccredited claims that may or may not be anywhere near the truth. That’s why we’ve chosen to cover this story about New York Yankees legend Derek Jeter marrying actress and Aerosmith offspring Minka Kelly. Professional gossipers have begun to field rumors that the pair, who have been dating for about a year, are planning to step up to the plate and get hitched sometime just after the Yankees lose in the first round of the playoffs. (more…)

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