Good and evil have been raging against each other since the dawn of man. There are a million billion (to be precise) incarnations of the dichotomy, but none so viscerally driven as the battle between GI Joe and Cobra: The America military and it’s sworn enemy at any given time. For lack of a single nation to demonize in our nation’s colorful and multinational war history, Cobra served as a variable for any one who favored world domination over liberty and justice for all.

When the cartoon ended, the allegory slipped away suddenly, snapped like the rubber band that held together the array of highly pose-able and hopelessly cheap figurines bearing the show’s name. At the time, Hollywood still had original movie ideas and was not yet at the desperate stage of remaking classic films and television shows into highly stylized blockbusters. Thankfully, they’ve long before swallowed their pride and the public was delighted to hear that a live action GI Joe was in the making about a year ago. Well, the day is here. A freakin’ GI Joe movie. Bad ass, dude. (more…)

Fame is a fleeting and foul mistress. No one should know this better than our homegirl Paula Abdul. After all, the former Laker Girl enjoyed a meteoric rise to the top in the late 80’s and early 90’s with the help of a less than stellar singing voice accompanied by sassy choreography, an Arsenio Hall cameo, a Cartoon Kat, and a video in which she totally got down and deep with Keanu Reeves.

Despite reaching the pop of the charts Abdul all but disappeared from public view for the better part of seven years. When she finally emerged in 2002 as a judge on the brand new talent contest American Idol, like most viewers, we briefly wondered just what qualified Ms. Abdul to serve as the benevolent genie of pop star dreams. She quickly endeared herself to the viewing audience, however, with her penchant for medicated antics and her willingness to put up a fight with her callous British co-star and that guy who always says, “dawg.” Before we knew it we had welcomed her into our homes. She was that non-blood related lady we called “aunt” anyway who always encouraged us to do our best no matter how untalented we were. (more…)

While drugs and general complacency work fine, whatever Rachelle Lefevre did last week is quite obviously the best and fastest way to rid yourself of teen idol status. The actress who portrayed vampire villain Victoria in both the first and second installments of the Twilight series was hastily dispatched of her role (and her money) when it became clear that a separate filming would come in contact with principal photography for movie number three. But according to Lefevre’s legal representatives, she didn’t do anything wrong, and regardless of her involvement in upcoming Twilight films, she is entitled to get her motherf*ckin’ movie check. (more…)

UPDATE: We would like to publicly apologize for the inexcusable offense of initially using a picture of the wrong Jonas Brother on this blog post. As Lucy sweetly pointed out, Joe does NOT play a white piano. However, we do think the “eskimo kiss” part is more than likely fact, so sorry, Lucy - we’re keeping that.

Awesome news for pretty much anybody that’s not the subject: Joe Jonas and Camilla Belle have called it quits. The pair, who many said could “totally be brother and sister,” decided to part ways after 10 months of holding hands and giving each other eskimo kisses.

Joe, the middle Jonas brother, was reported to be crying backstage at a performance in Detroit earlier this week; but since then he has been in much better spirits, even taking time to not capitalize on his superstar status by not having rebound sex… (more…)

Yesterday, we enjoyed a welcome respite from the constant flood of Michael Jackson news, as for a few brief shining hours the gloved one ceased to be a OneRiot trending topic (for the first time since his death). He can thank Erin Andrews and Comic Con for that. But lo and behold, the King of Pop is back in the spotlight. So why is his late Royal Pop-ness back on the tip of our digital tongues? Well, in short - it’s his children.

In the days following Jackson’s death, the public and the media clamored for the truth about Paris, Prince Michael, and Blanket and whether or not they had the smallest genetic tie to their iconic dad. Most people figured that there was no way those kids had a lick of that DNA, and that he had plucked them out of a Perfect White Child Baby Farm in a well off European country like Sweden, Luxembourg or Monaco. So it was even more shocking when yesterday it was revealed that Michael may have had yet another talented offspring.

Reports from several gossip sites have emerged that 25-year old Norwegian Rapper Omer Bhatti may, in fact, be the product of a one night stand between Jackson and Norwegian woman named Billie Jean…err…Pia Bhatti in the mid-’80s. Bhatti was seen sitting with the family with the memorial service during and even spent extensive time at Neverland after meeting his maybe dad on the 1996 HIStory tour. Bhatti is currently seeking paternity tests to confirm the rumors and if all else fails, he’ll fall back on his quest to turn Norwegian rap into a viable musical genre.

Another video after the jump…

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The pre-Potter pre-gaming has started, and we’re excited. Real excited. But not just for some horcrux searching, Dark Lord Bashing, Quidditch snatching, wingardium leviosa-ing good times. No, we’re pumped for another form of movie-going entertainment: the fine specimens who will throw on their finest Hogwarts apparel, emerge from their homes, and attend The Half-Blood Prince’s opening night.

If you’re going to the midnight showing, bring your wand and camera and see if you can click a couple of crazy Potter fan pics (extra points if you can catch a Tom Riddle, Dementor or Belatrix LeStrange - all elusive creatures rarely seen at these types of events). If you snap something sharable, just leave a comment here with a link back to the picture. That way, we can all make fun of my editor check out Harry Potter’s #1 fans (viva the Harry Pot-Heads)!

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