Michael Jackson sure did a lot of crazy stuff while he was alive. Whether he was showing off utterly insane dance moves or just dangling genetic impossibilities out of a hotel window in Germany, there was no doubt that the King of Pop could also be the “King of Getting Our Attention.” And now that it’s been nearly two weeks since MJ exited our midst stage left - a stint that’s proved just as hardy on our trending topics list - it’s almost safe to say that this cultural icon was someone who resonated with society on a nearly religious level, almost to the point that you would think he moonwalked on water.

With that in mind, it almost comes as no surprise that several days after dancing up to wherever a Captain Eo goes after he dies, the King of Pop is still effing with the people he left behind on earth. There have been several supernatural sightings of the “Gone To Soon” pop star who once pledged that “Heaven Can Wait.” Not only did his ghost swing by a televised tour of Neverland, but much like religious icons Jesus and The Virgin Mary the gloved one is showing his face in all sorts of unexpected places. Most recently, a Stockton family found the pop genius’s mug staring at them via the medium of a tree stump. Felix Garcia apparently stared really, really hard and saw MJ’s face in a tree outside the house where he’s lived for the past 22 years.
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Hollywood moves fast. Real fast. And if you’ve had even a pinch of fame during your lifespan, chances are a motion picture production company will be in the works to produce your biopic before you’ve even been buried. So goes the tale of Billy Mays, the pitchman most recognized for his husky/on the verge of screaming/yet surprisingly controlled voice, his lumberjack resembling looks, and the way he could sell you OxiClean, even if you didn’t have any carpeted floors to be stained.
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In the days following the death of Michael Jackson, internet hoaxsters have tried their hand at convincing us that famous people are dropping like flies. First there were the Jeff Goldblum rumors, then they told us our beloved Harrison Ford and Britney Spears had gone the way of the dodo.

Being the astute followers of pop culture that we are - and being hip to the fact that celebrities die in threes and not 4’s,5’s, 6’s, or 7’s - we quickly saw these stories for what they were. Nonetheless, these pranksters will stop at nothing until they finally persuade us that another one of our beloved elite entertainers is now standing in that spotlight in the sky. Their latest attempt comes at the expense of an obviously immortal singer, one who continuously asserts that he is “NEVER gonna give you up” or “let you down.” We’re talking about 80’s Brit-soul superstar, Rick Astley.

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Forget about purebred pups with pedigrees–This weekend’s top dogshow was all about honoring those canines with mugs that only an owner can love. With gnarly coats, stumpy tails, missing eyes, and scraggly teeth, dogs came from all over the globe to win the coveted title of the World’s Ugliest Dog.

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11-Year Old Harvey Kindlon was so close! He managed to get within feet of uber-beauty of the moment Megan Fox at the London premiere of Transformers 2, when his well-documented quest to give her a yellow rose was stymied by the flashbulbs of photo hounds from the UK’s trashiest rags. It seemed all was well that ended well though, as the aptly-named Ms. Fox had seen a photo of the boy pathetically longing in the not-so-distance and issued an apology, noting that ignoring such a doting fan was very unlike her.

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Less than an hour ago, reports started rushing in that Michael Jackson had suffered cardiac arrest. Only a couple minutes later, followup reports were suggesting he had died on his way to the hospital. It appears that the preeminent King of Pop’s era is over.

Michael Jackson had 14 number one hits in his career, which began before the singer was 10 years old. He is survived by three children. Clearly his later years found him a confused and unstable individual; but the loss of one of music’s most respected and influential performers is a sad one regardless. Hopefully, the legacy he leaves will be deeper rooted in his many contributions to popular culture, and not his personal life.

Breaking news: Shia Labeouf does NOT want to sleep with his mother. He’d just like to clarify that, America. In fact, the incest rumors are the most “ridiculous thing,” he has ever heard! All the he did was tell Playboy in May that, “Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren’t my mother, as sick as that sounds.” Yep, that’s all he said. His comments were totally misinterpreted. It’s not like he said he wanted to sleep wi…well, maybe…dammit.

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