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Archive for the ‘Health’ Category

Burlington, VT Takes its Vitamins

11/18/08 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under Health, US

If you suffer from self-loathing, stay far, far away from Burlington, Vt, where average builds seem a lot more….average.

Recently named the healthiest city in America, 92% of Burlington’s population say they are in good or great health. In this magical place– where people are educated, athletic, and disproportionately young–vegan and vegetarian restaurants line the streets, and admiring one’s self in the mirror is common practice. Skiing, hiking, bicycling, and comfortable nakedness also abound in this out-of-the-way, disproportionately white mecca, which predictably has one of the nation’s lowest obesity rates.

Huntington, W.Va scored to be the unhealthiest city in the United States, making Houston, TX feel a little bit bigger better about itself.

Gulf War Syndrome is the Real Deal, Says Study

11/18/08 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Health, US

A federally sponsored study presented Monday showed that Gulf War syndrome (associated with the original Gulf War and not the popular sequel) is, in fact, a real problem, unlike the once widespread ketchup/catsup dilemma. Confirmation of this issue by a panel from the Research Advisory Committee on Gulf War Veterans’ Illnesses disproves claims of its denial made in the years subsequent to the war by the federal government, who apparently believed that symptoms were a result of the wild, fanciful imaginations of soldiers.

The illness has been found to arise as a result of exposure to toxic chemicals, as well as a drug once given to soldiers to prevent the effects of nerve gas. In deployments for which the drug was not administered, the study shows, soldiers are much less likely to show symptoms associated with Gulf War syndrome. The committee concludes the report by asking that funding for further research be granted. While this particular problem will likely be avoided in the future in light of these findings, other problems for for war veterans will remain unearthed until many years later, when a committee is formed to address the concerns of distressed family members.

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Moms Mad at Motrin

11/17/08 - Posted by Carmel Hagen under Gossip, Health

This new Motrin ad, featuring a rather sexily designed lead-up to “zOMG, my baby kills my back,” is making moms pissed. It’s hard to tell why, exactly (for some of us, which is probably yet another reason we should be commended for not having children)… but if you get it, feel free to explain in the comment section.

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430 Pounds of Freedom

11/17/08 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under Health

Michael Lapointe, a prisoner convicted for drug-trafficking, gangsterism, and conspiracy, was released from prison early after serving only 25 months.

Lapointe, or “Big Mike” as he was referred to in jail, weighed nearly 430 pounds, and was released early because the prison could not accommodate his large frame. The Quebec Parole Board was concerned about his health, and not being able to facilitate his needs as a larger man. When arrested he weighed 375 pounds, and blames the approx. 50 pound weight gain on the poor prison diet.

Don’t they have mandatory “work-out” time in the slammer? Just sayin….

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TV is for Sad People, Says Study

11/17/08 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Health

If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands. If you’re unhappy and you know it, you’re probably watching that episode of Two And A Half Men where Charlie Sheen’s character is awash in his own promiscuity and Jon Cryer’s character whines a lot.

Yes, being happy is as simple as turning off the television, according to a survey of 30,000 Americans conducted between 1975 and 2006 for the General
Social Survey. In the study, scientists concluded that happy people watch an average of nineteen hours of the boob tube or idiot plasma rectangle per week, whereas unhappy people watched twenty-six. “Happy People” are also more socially active, go to their respective religious services more often, never commit crimes, smell nice, eat well, have a certain shiny glow, use hyperbole exceedingly well and other sweeping positive generalizations.

So what lessons, if any, can we take away from this survey? Well, for one, watching TV for a living is probably the most miserable job of them all. Secondly, we should budget those 19 hours of TV wisely by taking in as many of our favorite shows we can on the Internet.

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China Milk Scandal Getting Scandalier

11/17/08 - Posted by Matt Gierhart under Health

First they poisoned our kid’s toys, then they put silver particles in our underwear and now they’ve put chemicals in baby’s milk. Could China pick anything a little less innocent to poison?

In September the state media reported that the Shijiazhuang Sanlu Group Co. had known since last year that its milk was tainted with melamine, an industrial level chemical that can take out a kidney or two.

The company and local officials tried to cover it up as long as possible, but the media scandal broke. The Chinese government has issued free health care to the estimated 50,000 babies affected by the chemical and promised an undisclosed amount of compensation to deaths that occur. The people win, right? Not in China. At least five babies have died since the media’s coverage yet the Ministry of Health has only attributed three deaths to the milk scare. Everyone believes the total dead is higher than three and most fear that it is higher than five.

Why does it matter? Without acknowledgment from the Ministry of Health lawsuits cannot be filed, families will not be compensated and the Shijiazhuang Sanlu Group Co. will have less pressure to resolve this issue.

When pressed on the recent death of nine-month-old Li Xiaokai, the Government responded “(we’re) working on it.”

Booze Tax Saves Lives

11/14/08 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under Health

Did you know that being charged way too much for bottom shelf vodka might be saving your life?

Ok… not directly, but a new study shows that higher taxes on booze correlates with fewer alcohol related deaths. Using Alaska as a case study, researchers reported a 29% drop in alcohol related fatalities in 1983 and an 11% decline in 2002 as taxes increased. Despite these statistics, the alcohol industry says that higher taxes would only hurt responsible drinkers and would have a negative impact on the economy.

So, if they did decide to hike up the taxes in the lower 48, what would that mean for the college-partier? A decline in alcohol related accidents, or a quicker depletion of daddy’s college textbook fund?

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Shoot ‘em Up: Two Men Charged with Injecting HIV

11/13/08 - Posted by Carmel Hagen under Health

Two (horrible, appalling, extremely hell-bound) Dutch men have been charged with injecting 14 victims with HIV.

The actions of Peter M. and Hans J. (full names not released according to Dutch law) can not be interpreted as attempted murder due to the Dutch court’s ruling that HIV is only a chronic illness, not a decidedly fatal one (Ed note: OH: that’s crap). Because the men were willingly participating in unprotected orgies, the origins of the victims’ HIV can also not be proven. (Ed note: OH: Slightly more understandable crap, but still crap)

The men will serve 9 and 5 years, respectively. This hardly amounts for the amount of cumulative lifespan they’ve probably whacked off their sex party friends’ lives, but the nature of their crime probably guarantees an even rougher time in prison.

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10 Germiest Jobs in America

11/12/08 - Posted by Carmel Hagen under Health

When you read this, remember that exposure to germs is one of the only ways our bodies learn to fight germs.

That said, next time your squeemish banker girlfriend gets weirdo about taking out the trash, feel free to call her a bacteria-whording sloth*.

1. Teacher/day-care worker
2. Cashier, bank employee
3. Tech support/computer repair
4. Doctor or nurse
5. Lab scientist
6. Police officer
7. Animal control officer
8. Janitor or plumber
9. Sanitation worker (AKA garbage man/woman)
10. Meat packer

via Yahoo Shine

*Hoarding/Whording. We know… but she never will.

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