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Archive for the ‘Life & Culture’ Category

Twitter Quits Hating on @Replies, Kanye Takes Over

5/13/09 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under Economy, Gossip, Life & Culture, Politics, Science

Kanye West did the entire world a favor today by announcing that he does not, did not, and will not ever have a Twitter account. The popular producer, fashionista and vocoder spokesman blogged about his distaste for the medium, suggesting that using it would only keep him from being the voice of a generation we have all come to ‘love’ and ‘respect.’

West also ragged on Twitter founder Jack Dorsey for allowing fake celebrity accounts to continue slandering their real celebrity counterparts: “IT’S A F*CKING FARCE AND IT MAKES ME QUESTION WHAT OTHER SO CALLED CELEBRITY TWITTERS ARE ACTUALLY REAL OR FAKE.” (Note following picture of #1 Kanye fake. Seriously, Jack - how do you know?!)

This Week’s Hottest Hot Topics: Intergalactic Edition

3/27/09 - Posted by Carmel Hagen under Gossip, Life & Culture, Science, US

The sky was nowhere near the limit for this week’s hottest hot topics, in which the whole universe came to out play with satellites, shooting stars, and even Kim Kardashian’s volumpturump. Thankfully, the actual subject matter was more down-to-earth – except, of course, for that little incident with the big, big phallus. Ready to read? WAIT – times like these call for a countdown. 3…2… oh okay, just go.

Stephen Colbert Goes to Space

If NASA was hoping for something serious when they asked fans to name a new space module – well, that’s just dumb.
http://topics.oneriot.com/colbert-wins-nasa-contest

Intergalasstic!

According to these pictures, Kim Kardashian’s otherworldly curves just stretched into the next galaxy.
http://topics.oneriot.com/kim-kardashian-airbrush-shots

The Sky IS Falling?

For the first time, scientists have hunted down a shooting star, which means not only do they hurtle towards earth - they crash into it.
http://topics.oneriot.com/astronomers-catch-shooting-star

(more…)

Al Gore’s More Convenient Sequel

3/25/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Life & Culture

Thanks to various forms of his trailblazing global warming piece “An Inconvenient Truth,” 2007 was a banner year for former Vice President Al Gore. In those short 365 days, he landed a Nobel Prize, a Grammy, and an Academy Award - word has it, he could have showed up to that year’s Tony’s and snagged a statuette for Best Musical if he wanted to. Now, after spending the last year out of the limelight, America’s favorite also-ran is gearing up to do it again in 2010 - though he”ll officially get the ball rolling in ‘09 with the November release of his new book, “Our Choice.”

This sequel to 2007’s “An Inconvenient Truth” attempts to set in motion a plan for dealing with the small problem of the climate crisis that Gore so eloquently spelled out in his first book, movie, & musical. The book was originally announced two years ago under the working title “The Path to Survival” but the most recent title seems a little less foreboding and a lot more intriguing than other discarded titles like “A More Convenient Dealio” and “Al G’s Guide To Fixing This Whole Crappy Enviro-Sitch.” Unfortunately, books of environmental inclination rarely tend to leak the way new additions to vampire sagas do, so readers will have to wait util November to land a copy. Fortunately, it does look like the world will still be around by then, so hang tight.

Black Yourself Out for Earth Hour

3/24/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Life & Culture

The World Wildlife Fund has offered us yet another weapon to use in the battle against global warming. Entitled Earth Hour, the voluntary initiative urges people across the world to turn off their lights for one hour on March 28th, giving the action the unwieldy analogy of ‘Voting for Earth’ and not for its greedy, self-serving rival Global Warming.

Earth Hour is an apparent scale-back of a thing called Earth Day, which individuals clearly no longer have the time for. Instead of the strenuous activities of planting a tree, recycling paper at home, and teaching a child to conserve, WWF has read the commitment of the common person and simply asked us to keep our electrical addictions at bay for just an hour.

For all the encouraging literature on the Earth Hour Website, not a single statistic is given as to exactly how much energy we can hope to save, and whether or not it will make even a blip on nature’s radar screen. So, though this may seem like a cop-out, remember that these events aren’t really designed to ‘Save the Earth,’ as the old euphemism implies. The earth will likely live out its existence long after we’ve exterminated ourselves from its service. Earth Hour, like planned reforestation and recycling, are simply there to make us feel like we’re doing something so we can avoid a global panic at the truth that our species is doomed.

…But What’s His Score at LIFE?

2/10/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Life & Culture

Danny Johnson is not just fond of the game guitar hero - he is the living embodiment of a plastic guitar god.

The fourteen-year-old Grapevine, Texas native scored 973,954 points playing DragonForce’s “Through the Fire and Flames,” (best song - cough - ever) during a Guitar Hero III competition at a Best Buy in Midtown Manhattan, annihilating the the top mark previously held by Chris Chike (17, Minnesota) by more than 74,000 points. The video game Van Halen and #1 Guitar Hero in the land may have passed the ultimate test by entering the good graces of the Guinness Book, but when asked
afterwards to point out a tree, he failed miserably.

Gays Find Marriage Not All it’s Cracked Up to Be

2/05/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Life & Culture, Politics, US

Proposition 8 might have been met with resounding opposition in California this past election, but a recent news story is proving that no matter the sexes involved, being hitched holds the same difficulties for everyone. Contrary to popular belief, just because gay people fight to get married, they don’t always fight to stay married. They even get divorced.

This shocking truth was brought into focus when it was announced that Julie and Hilary Goodridge, a popular lesbian couple that led the fight for gay marriage in Massachusetts, recently applied for tickets to Splitsville. While there’s been no official word on why the couple broke up, there is speculation that whoever wore the pants tended to come home late and was never really committed to making it work.

Thanks and Have Fun Running the Country

1/20/09 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under Life & Culture, Politics, US

Our new President is bringing hope and the promise of change to people all over this country - but not just to the people who voted for him. As demonstrated by the kids at 826 Valencia, a non-profit child’s literacy center in San Francisco, a much younger (and shorter) demographic have also taken notice.

After Obama was elected, volunteers at the center asked the children to write letters to the president-to-be as an exercise in both writing and current events, and the results were hilarious, heartwarming, and brutally honest. The idea caught on at 826 Writing Centers all over the country, and the letters were collected into a compilation book (Which is awesome and wonderful, and you can purchase it here.

We really do think that kids say it best, so in attempt to say hello to our brand-spankin’ new President ( for the third time today - we know, we’re done, we promise) here are some of our favorite notes from kids to Mr. Barack Obama…

Dear Barack Obama,

Congrats on becoming the president of the United States and slaughtering John McCain. I think that, unlike W., you should dodge other countries and not shoes. You should not be so quick to go to war and negotiate with terrorists. I like what you said about bringing the troops home from Iraq.

If you like my letter, know that it’s from D’andre “the King” Legrand, age 12
Brooklyn

*

Dear President Obama,

Are you going to be pictured on our money? How do you get in the White House? Do you like Abraham Lincoln? Do you have a big backyard? Martin Luther King Jr. had big fans. How many fans do you have? You could help us by giving us food. I am Luis Ramirez. I go to school at Mayberry. I like to play video games.

Luis Ramirez, age 8
Los Angeles

*

Dear President Obama,

If I want anybody to be president, it’s me. I would clean the streets and give myself more money. I would also give everybody a piece of a Reese’s candy. Every homeless guy or girl would get $50 for help and a place to sleep for the winter. My family and other families would get free gas for our cars; single people with no kids would have to pay. The money would come from copying other bills. The $1, $2, $5, $10, $20, $50, and $100 bills would be copied one thousand times.

The paper would not come from trees but from hardened glue. The way to make it is by mixing water and glue together so that it looks like paper. You then put it in a fire, then let it cool in the freezer.

Weslie Jackson, age 12
Chicago

If you want to check out more, go here.

Catholics Open Dirtiest Chamber of Them All

1/16/09 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under International Affairs, Life & Culture

There’s nothing like a little smut to drive participation within the Catholic Church. Citing a decline in confessions over the past several years, the Vatican decided to open the doors to one of its most secretive tribunals, known for playing host to the confessions of sins so vile and despicable that only the Pope can grant absolution.

For two days, the “tribunal of conscience” was opened to the [Catholic] public, something that many of the Vatican’s prominent cardinals believe will reinvigorate faith amongst acting Catholics, and increase church attendance at the same time. Coincidentally, this reminds me of the old saying, ’sex sells.’

The Vatican’s number two man, cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, told reporters that “Today it seems as though the sense of sin has been forgotten.” That might have something to do with the ambiguity of sins, but who really knows.

Now, I don’t want to suggest that the hierarchy of Catholic sins is by any means downright silly, but you may be surprised to hear that things like spitting out the sacramental wine at communion—referred to as ‘defiling the Eucharist’—is considered a pope-worthy sin, but genocide is simply handled on the local level by any priest or bishop. Huh?

Oh Joy: ‘Joy of Sex’ Gets a Reboot

1/12/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Life & Culture, US

in 1972 a book came out that not only changed the way we think about sex, but also may have gone a long way towards establishing a link between mankind and our primate ancestors. We’re not talking about the complete transcripts of The Scopes Trial, rather Dr. Alex Comfort’s ‘The Joy of Sex.’ The erotic “how to” manual taught generations of lovers how to help others and themselves with a healthy dose of pointers and illustrations featuring the hairiest of hippie hunks and his fellow female pubic forestry major.

Despite the volume’s popularity, thirty-seven years is a long time for any subject to be left to marinate. Sure the act of intercourse has changed just about as much as our anatomy has in the past 37 years, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t get to look at ourselves in a whole new light with the lights off. So, with plenty of new perversions having popped up within a span of nearly four decades, ‘The Joy of Sex’ has never been more ripe for an update - a task recently tackled by British relationship therapist Susan Quilliam.

The renovated version sports 42 brand new sections on modern topics ranging from phone sex to transsexualism. For those hoping to scan through the pages for naughty visuals of the haircut impaired, you’re out of luck - the character sketches from the original have been updated with a more glamorous couple engaged cackling in moments of coitus, replacing the previous incarnation’s creepy scribbled sensuality.

Obama: A Visual Retrospective in Badassness

12/17/08 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under Life & Culture, Politics, US

Barack Obama is more than likely one of America’s better looking president elects. I’m a dude, and I feel alright admitting it. But what did Barry look like before the wrinkles of onset political pressure syndrome kicked in?

A recent dossier of top-secret B&W photos by former classmate Lisa Jack reveals that, believe it or not, the Commander In Chief-to-be was pretty slammin’ back in his days at Occidental College in sunny LA. Photographer Jack, now a psychologist, confesses to remembering little more about Obama’s disposition beyond his good looks: “He was really cute. But what else does a 20-year-old girl remember?” Juicy.

It’s safe to say that although Barack Obama had plenty of charisma back then, at age 18 he was just another normal, sexy collegian coed. I, for one, am glad he put his modeling aspirations aside en route to a slightly more ambitious career in politics. But who knows? Maybe these are the photos that landed him a little late-night law lovin’ from future First Lady Michelle.

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Gossip

  • Renaming Mel Gibson’s Octo-Spawn

    11/03/09

    The Summary: Mel Gibson becomes a father of eight children - and OneRiot renames them all.
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  • Jackson Biography Draws the Attention of Hollywood & Interweb

    10/28/09

    In a triumphant posthumous return to the trending topics, Michael Jackson reared his beautifully-singing head on the social web when chatter about the release of his film biography reminded everyone just how influential his passing was. The new picture documents the life of the icon, along with (very) recent footage of Jackson prepping for his [...]

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  • With Great Power Comes Great Twesponsibility

    10/15/09

    Last night, thousands of status updates were sent out into the Twittersphere by concerned individuals who believed they were passing on an Amber Alert for a three year old boy. Descriptions of the perp’s Mitsubishi Eclipse and license plate spread like wildfire, and #98B351 quickly became a trending topic. Not long after, celebrity @KhloeKardashian retweeted [...]

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  • Jon and Kate Plus Eight Minus Jon

    9/29/09

    Bad news, Ed Hardy fans: it’s been scientifically (read: conditionally) proven (read: suggested) that wearing the brand 24/7 will ruin your career. At least, that’s what it—coupled with a series of other bad decisions—did for Jon Gosselin. The horrific fashion victim, best known for his appearances on the reality program Jon and Kate Plus [...]

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  • Imma Let U Finish But Kim Was the Most Famous Kardashian of ALL TIME

    9/24/09

    It’s kind of unfair: pro basketball players are typically ginormous, but they’re always hanging out with diminutive cheerleaders, models and actresses. While we fully support the concept of giving the spoils to the victors (did you see our sweet news coverage, by the way?), it’s nice to know that at least one monolithic baller is [...]

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