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Archive for the ‘Life & Culture’ Category

Trending Shmending: Bebe’s Kids

6/18/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Life & Culture

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Since the beginning of ‘verbing’ words, many classic nouns and adjectives have taken the weirding of our language a step further. The most recently impactful verbed word is ‘trending,’ something that’s been awesome-ing here at OneRiot since our inception. Every once in a while, the very trend that’s occurring will stem from the question “Why is X trending?,” adding a little caveat to the whole trending thing altogether. Today, an old and currently irrelevant animated film that we have no reason to revisit, popular-ed at high enough numbers to be trending. Why? Well, Bebe’s Kids just happened to be on BET today.

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Couples Risk Storybook Disaster with Romeo + Juliet Weddings

6/03/09 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under Gossip, Life & Culture

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Planning a marriage of Elizabethan proportions but can’t find the perfect altar? Look no further! Take a page out of Shakespeare’s famously romantic (and also tragic) play Romeo & Juliet by saying your I Do’s atop the balcony of the Casa de Giulietta, the spot where Romeo first serenaded his star-crossed bride to be.

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Indian Death Pond Reveals Morbid Slackery

5/25/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Life & Culture

In India, a developing nation that still deals with the Black Death, there are simply too many corpses and too little time. In lieu of a better solution, a mortuary near New Delhi has been creatively dealing with the unclaimed dead for nearly twenty years. When a body undergoes an autopsy and no family members show up within seven days to make funeral arrangements, who you gonna call? The pond out back, that’s who.

In its current dried up state, a small body of water near the house o’ the dead revealed human remains, including about a hundred skulls. Police chief Maan Singh Chauhan suspects that former junior officers got lazy and found a half-assed short cut.

While such an unsanitary discovery would send shockwaves through any health-paranoid first world nation, it is not so jarring a prospect in a nation where cow urine is a leisurely beverage, worshippers drink milk with rats swimming around in it, and men marry dogs.

Glory Be // Pope Hits Facebook, iPhone with Pope2You Aps

5/22/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Life & Culture

Facebook sinners, prepare to saddled with massive amounts of Catholic guilt for all of your social networking indiscretions. While you previously only had to answer to your stalker friends who might be inclined to comment on every damnable offense apparent in your profile photos, now you’ll have to answer to a much higher power: His Holiness.

That’s right, el Popo is on Facebook - and he wants to be your friend. While some of the Catholic Church’s policies might be rooted as far back as the 1st century, that doesn’t mean they’re unable to bring religion coasting into the Twenty First with a hot new application. The Pope2You page allows users to send their friends and enemies virtual postcards with photos of the Pope Benedict XVI staring directly at them. If this doesn’t get them running to confession, at least it’ll be a fun tool to use to let your roommate know that you’re well aware of his solo indulgence in the pleasures of the flesh the previous evening. That’ll be “two Hail Marys” and three “our fathers.” Sinner.

Twitter Quits Hating on @Replies, Kanye Takes Over

5/13/09 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under Economy, Gossip, Life & Culture, Politics, Science

Kanye West did the entire world a favor today by announcing that he does not, did not, and will not ever have a Twitter account. The popular producer, fashionista and vocoder spokesman blogged about his distaste for the medium, suggesting that using it would only keep him from being the voice of a generation we have all come to ‘love’ and ‘respect.’

West also ragged on Twitter founder Jack Dorsey for allowing fake celebrity accounts to continue slandering their real celebrity counterparts: “IT’S A F*CKING FARCE AND IT MAKES ME QUESTION WHAT OTHER SO CALLED CELEBRITY TWITTERS ARE ACTUALLY REAL OR FAKE.” (Note following picture of #1 Kanye fake. Seriously, Jack - how do you know?!)

This Week’s Hottest Hot Topics: Intergalactic Edition

3/27/09 - Posted by Carmel Hagen under Gossip, Life & Culture, Science, US

The sky was nowhere near the limit for this week’s hottest hot topics, in which the whole universe came to out play with satellites, shooting stars, and even Kim Kardashian’s volumpturump. Thankfully, the actual subject matter was more down-to-earth – except, of course, for that little incident with the big, big phallus. Ready to read? WAIT – times like these call for a countdown. 3…2… oh okay, just go.

Stephen Colbert Goes to Space

If NASA was hoping for something serious when they asked fans to name a new space module – well, that’s just dumb.
http://topics.oneriot.com/colbert-wins-nasa-contest

Intergalasstic!

According to these pictures, Kim Kardashian’s otherworldly curves just stretched into the next galaxy.
http://topics.oneriot.com/kim-kardashian-airbrush-shots

The Sky IS Falling?

For the first time, scientists have hunted down a shooting star, which means not only do they hurtle towards earth - they crash into it.
http://topics.oneriot.com/astronomers-catch-shooting-star

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Al Gore’s More Convenient Sequel

3/25/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Life & Culture

Thanks to various forms of his trailblazing global warming piece “An Inconvenient Truth,” 2007 was a banner year for former Vice President Al Gore. In those short 365 days, he landed a Nobel Prize, a Grammy, and an Academy Award - word has it, he could have showed up to that year’s Tony’s and snagged a statuette for Best Musical if he wanted to. Now, after spending the last year out of the limelight, America’s favorite also-ran is gearing up to do it again in 2010 - though he”ll officially get the ball rolling in ‘09 with the November release of his new book, “Our Choice.”

This sequel to 2007’s “An Inconvenient Truth” attempts to set in motion a plan for dealing with the small problem of the climate crisis that Gore so eloquently spelled out in his first book, movie, & musical. The book was originally announced two years ago under the working title “The Path to Survival” but the most recent title seems a little less foreboding and a lot more intriguing than other discarded titles like “A More Convenient Dealio” and “Al G’s Guide To Fixing This Whole Crappy Enviro-Sitch.” Unfortunately, books of environmental inclination rarely tend to leak the way new additions to vampire sagas do, so readers will have to wait util November to land a copy. Fortunately, it does look like the world will still be around by then, so hang tight.

Black Yourself Out for Earth Hour

3/24/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Life & Culture

The World Wildlife Fund has offered us yet another weapon to use in the battle against global warming. Entitled Earth Hour, the voluntary initiative urges people across the world to turn off their lights for one hour on March 28th, giving the action the unwieldy analogy of ‘Voting for Earth’ and not for its greedy, self-serving rival Global Warming.

Earth Hour is an apparent scale-back of a thing called Earth Day, which individuals clearly no longer have the time for. Instead of the strenuous activities of planting a tree, recycling paper at home, and teaching a child to conserve, WWF has read the commitment of the common person and simply asked us to keep our electrical addictions at bay for just an hour.

For all the encouraging literature on the Earth Hour Website, not a single statistic is given as to exactly how much energy we can hope to save, and whether or not it will make even a blip on nature’s radar screen. So, though this may seem like a cop-out, remember that these events aren’t really designed to ‘Save the Earth,’ as the old euphemism implies. The earth will likely live out its existence long after we’ve exterminated ourselves from its service. Earth Hour, like planned reforestation and recycling, are simply there to make us feel like we’re doing something so we can avoid a global panic at the truth that our species is doomed.

…But What’s His Score at LIFE?

2/10/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Life & Culture

Danny Johnson is not just fond of the game guitar hero - he is the living embodiment of a plastic guitar god.

The fourteen-year-old Grapevine, Texas native scored 973,954 points playing DragonForce’s “Through the Fire and Flames,” (best song - cough - ever) during a Guitar Hero III competition at a Best Buy in Midtown Manhattan, annihilating the the top mark previously held by Chris Chike (17, Minnesota) by more than 74,000 points. The video game Van Halen and #1 Guitar Hero in the land may have passed the ultimate test by entering the good graces of the Guinness Book, but when asked
afterwards to point out a tree, he failed miserably.

Gays Find Marriage Not All it’s Cracked Up to Be

2/05/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Life & Culture, Politics, US

Proposition 8 might have been met with resounding opposition in California this past election, but a recent news story is proving that no matter the sexes involved, being hitched holds the same difficulties for everyone. Contrary to popular belief, just because gay people fight to get married, they don’t always fight to stay married. They even get divorced.

This shocking truth was brought into focus when it was announced that Julie and Hilary Goodridge, a popular lesbian couple that led the fight for gay marriage in Massachusetts, recently applied for tickets to Splitsville. While there’s been no official word on why the couple broke up, there is speculation that whoever wore the pants tended to come home late and was never really committed to making it work.

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  • The Heirs To Uga VII’s Throne

    11/20/09

    The Story: With the passing of Georgia’s beloved bulldog icon, a new master-mascot must be chosen.  Who will it be?
    The Search: Uga VII
    Some of us are born into greatness and some have it unexpectedly thrust upon us and never learn to deal with it, leading us to end up in rehab.  You can count the [...]

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  • Johnny Depp Brings the Sex

    11/18/09

    The Story: Johnny Depp was named the sexiest man alive according to People magazine.  But is he man enough for this title?
    The Search: Sexy Johnny Depp
    I’m a man, and I find men disgusting. I look at other men, and the last adjective that comes to mind is ’sexy’. However, I can’t deny that among the [...]

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  • Appropriate Publicity Techniques

    11/12/09

    The Story: Carrie Prejean became extremely flustered while on-air with Larry King.  OneRiot breaks down her interviewing tactics, and helps her further her public speaking skills.

    The Search: Larry King & Carrie Prejean
    With all the pseudo-celebrities emerging over the past decade or so, we at OneRiot have grown increasingly concerned that people are getting famous for [...]

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  • The Galactic Search for Love

    11/11/09

    The Story: Diaper-wearing Astronaut Lisa Nowak was sentenced today for her cross-country crime.  OneRiot casts the movie featuring the out of this world love triangle.
    The Search: Lisa Nowak Sentence
    Astronaut love is not like regular person love. Maybe that’s why the 2004 story of Lisa Nowak and the space-love triangle that caused her to drive 1000 [...]

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  • Renaming Mel Gibson’s Octo-Spawn

    11/03/09

    The Summary: Mel Gibson becomes a father of eight children - and OneRiot renames them all.
    The Search: Mel Gibson’s Baby
    Everyone loves when celebrities have babies, because the names they grace them with offer solid proof that they operate on a whole different plane of existence. However, the latest celebrity couple to a offer a up [...]

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