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Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

Ahoy, Na’y Helicopter Seen Pirate Fireblasts - Aye, Bullets

8/27/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under International Affairs, Politics

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Though pirates off the Somali coast have been active for quite some time, the door to the days of swashbuckling adventure was opened up to Americans in April when Captain Richard Phillips was rescued from a gang of salty sea dogs, revealing the wonderment of days past to a public still buzzing from a series of them-park ride inspired films starring Johnny Depp.

Since the beginning of our new adventure at sea, the US Navy has played the part of the ‘good guys,’ intervening to liberate the innocent and humbly declining the opportunity to accumulate the spoils of battle; in this case meager amounts of rice, machine guns, and 4th hand Salvation Army T shirts rather than the traditional chests of gold coins. Well, today the ‘bad guys’ jumped on the offensive more directly than ever before when they fired on a US Navy helicopter. (more…)

Ted Kennedy: A Fond Farwell

8/26/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Politics, US

Ted possessed the knowing gift that his job as the Senator was bigger than himself, and certainly bigger than his transgressions.

picture-1129Edward Moore Kennedy led a life marred by tragedy and scandal. As the brother of two political giants plucked from this earth well before their time by assassins, and another a victim to the horrors of war, the man they affectionately called “Teddy” could have opted for a life out of the public spotlight. 

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A Frank Confrontation

8/19/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Politics, US
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If there’s one thing I learned in my several years of Hebrew School, it’s that we of the Hebrew persuasion are not really fans of Nazis. It probably has something to do with the fact that that Adolph Schicklgruber and company tried to wipe us off the face of the earth with a little something that was quite the opposite of Universal Health Care, called “Genocide”.

So, it should stand to reason that not only would Jewish people not readily support any policies that are even vaguely Nazi-esque in their conception, but that we would also take great offense to any such suggestion that we do in fact stand for any of those iffy values.  That hasn’t stopped a few extreme crazies from hurling such inclinations in the general direction of a few chosen people - and the president(more…)

A Sarah Palin Tribute // The World’s Greatest

8/18/09 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under Politics, US
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Even after what many may call a destructive contribution to the Republican Party’s 2008 election hopes, a befuddling set of geography skills/foreign policy experiences, and a lofty fall from grace as the most questionable governor in the Union, there are still people out there who think Sarah Palin should be the next American president.

We don’t take sides at OneRiot, but we do spend way too much time watching YouTube. And while some might question whether YouTube-watching counts as billable work time, we encourage you to shut your mouths and watch this video, proving just how…um…amazing Sarah Palin is.

Bill Clinton’s Noth Korean Mission Surprisingly… Amicable

8/04/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under International Affairs, Politics, US

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As much as dictator/supervillain Kim Jong Il hates surprises, he was ecstatic Tuesday to receive an his old friend, former US president Bill Clinton on an unexpected visit. North Korean officials greeted Clinton with jovial handshakes and flowers delivered by one of the isolated nation’s few non-starving children who wasn’t occupied by preparations for Arirang.

The two world figures with oh so disparate Q ratings reportedly discussed a wide range of topics, including the two American reporters currently being held in North Korea, the lack of effect of global economic downturn on a completely isolated nation that was already suffering, and who would die next on True Blood. Sensitive subjects such as the soaring price of kim chi were left off the table, an omission arising from diplomatic intent on the part of Clinton. (more…)

Lawmakers Consider Ban on Driving While Texting

7/29/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Politics, US

After reading a study stating that “when drivers of heavy trucks texted, their collision risk was 23 times greater than when not texting,” Captain Obvious was able to infer an even larger hypothesis that texting while driving is just generally a bad idea.

In these chaotic times, human beings continually find themselves at the mercy of societal behaviors that wreak havoc on the ability to manifest our own special brand of common sense. Luckily, when our inability to reason is thwarted by the temptation of dangling carrots such as our impulse to “bring the blow dryer into the shower” or “type that really funny text message to our friends whilst driving 90mph through a school zone” there is a brave superhero who uses his gallant rationale for good by transferring it to those who need it - and his name is Captain Obvious. (more…)

Shatner Remixes Palin Farewell Speech

7/28/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Life & Culture, Politics, US

UPDATE: YouTube had to pull this video because of copyright issues, but you can find it on Hulu here!

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In our mind Sarah Palin never gave a farewell speech, but William Shatner did recite a beautiful poem.

In every era there is a man for all times.  A man whose artistry, integrity, and way with the spoken word mesmerizes those who he comes into contact with.  For this time, right here, right now, that man is none other than Captain James Tiberius Kirk, himself…Mr. William Shatner.

Last night on the The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien, the Septagenarian starfleet commander helped make sense of what we referred to yesterday as a “rambling, incoherent speech” by former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.  What had once been an aimless collection of meandering thoughts when first uttered by their original speaker were suddenly transformed into a flourishing garden of ideas and expression as Mr. Shatner made them his own, forever. In our mind Sarah Palin never gave a farewell speech, but William Shatner did recite a beautiful poem.

Palin Officially Bows Out

7/27/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Politics, US

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Fans of the Political process from sea to shining sea got a big boost of confidence Sunday when Sarah Palin formally stepped down as Alaska Governor. In traditional Gubernatorial fashion the former head of the Alaskan state showed she was one of the greats by accepting no responsibility for any of the misfortune and scandal that befell during her abbreviated reign as its supreme leader, most notably the negative attention she and her family garnered as John McCain’s running mate in the 2008 Presidential election. In one of her trademark rambling, incoherent speeches, Palin railed against obvious foes such as “the media” who so infamously engaged in their “gotcha journalism” when Palin repeatedly made it obvious that she knew precious few details about government while being asked simple questions that most people hoping to run the country should be able to answer. (more…)

Ethical Uh-Ohs Lead to Palin Probe

7/22/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Politics

picture-265Embattled yet always sassy Alaska Governor Sarah Palin seems to constantly have lots of ’splainin’ to do. This week is no different, as John McCain’s former running mate faces allegations that she used her position as chief executive of Seward’s Folly to secure”unwarranted benefits” and snag “improper gifts through the Alaska Fund Trust,” which she had authorized her supporters’ creation of. (more…)

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