The 150th anniversary of one of the world’s juiciest, most controversial and most significant scientific theories is upon us, and in keeping with the traditional way of celebrating huge chunks of time, the event will be marked by a conference. However, the host of this particular conference is an unlikely one, as the cause of the celebration is the theory of evolution - and the host is God City.
The subject of the conference is the compatibility of evolution and creation, and the goal is to pursue new ways for the two to hold hands (and fins, and all of the things in between). To offer up this local (aka, the Vatican) as home base for these thoughts marks an interesting move by the Catholic Church, who is more traditionally known for looking to the lawbooks than the future. However, this is not the first time that a world religion has elected to re-evaluate its foundation, generally to the enormous benefit of the world at large. So pull on that superhero suit (because you won’t be going to hell for it anymore) - here’s a list of our all-time favorite religious retractions.
Hands off (or Hands Off)
According to Deuteronomy, if a man gets into a brawl and his wife jumps in the mix, she better be careful where she directs her defense. If one hand goes astray - specifically towards the genital area - it gets cut off (”and no pity shall be shown her”). These days, girls can fight as dirty as they like - which is good, otherwise I’d be writing with my feet.
Babymaker Breaker
The thought of restricting the number of munchkins crawling around our planet used to send shivers down religioso’s spines, but thanks to a few movers and shakers the world’s population is increasing at a somewhat less disturbing rate. Catholics aren’t on board yet, but their teachings on natural family planning draw snickers even internally, so here’s hoping they’re next. Meanwhile, the rest of the world will just keep popping these baby blockers like our lives depend on it. No, really - they do.
Old Punishments Die Hard
Not to downplay the gloom of an 8×8 cell (or the company typically found inside it) but we’re happy as hell that the old ways of sending us to Satan’s arms have just about expired. Death by fire? Chopping block? Lion’s den? Far less common, thank God (except, we hear, in New York). Not to mention that the number of reasons for a fair stoning have decreased significantly; for instance, us ladies don’t have to get murdered if we don’t want to marry the guy that raped us. Nice, huh?
There Go the Superheroes
Back in bible times, God’s children were discouraged from wearing clothing made of two blended fabrics. Translate this into modern day, and you can smooch your lycra, rain gear and that one-piece spandex bodysuit goodbye. There was never a good explanation for this rule, but it could have had something to do with demons’ preferences for flame-retardant clothing.
The More the Messier
This one’s debatable, but most men are actually relieved that they’re only allowed have one wife. Of course we’ve our rebels in the western deserts, but in general the deactivation of the harem has kept schedules open and sleep patterns stable. Additionally, alongside birth control, this government-enforced revision has the added benefit of supporting population stability. Water for everyone!
Inconsistency got you down? Don’t worry, there are a few solid examples of biblical rules that have stood the test of time. For instance, having sex with goat used to be intensely looked down upon. Thousands of years later, it’s still not in your best interest. Pray on, PETA!
Buddy Up