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Archive for the ‘Science’ Category

ASTROCLASH!: US & Russian Satellites Collide

2/12/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Science, US

Sarah Palin may insist she can see Russia from her home, but some “parts” of both countries have done more than just lock eyes - they’ve touched.

A duo of satellites from the two global superpowers enjoyed an extremely unusual astro-brush up 500 miles above Siberia on Tuesday, when a seemingly out of control, inoperative Russian satellite careened into a working craft owned by the U.S. communications company, Iridium. While Iridium expects to have their replacement up and running within the next 30 days, the debris from the biggest unintentional international space summit to date is thought to pose a low-level of risk to both the International Space Station and a shuttle launch scheduled for later this month. The earth’s orbit has been littered with over 17,000 pieces of man-made space junk since the launch of Sputnik in 1957, which currently serve as the biggest threat to shuttles in flight. Sigh: Somewhere out there is a crying Alien beaming up trash and pleading to keep the universe clean.

Tags: Russia, Satellites, Space, US

Go Figure: Immortality Goes to the Jellyfish

2/02/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Science

Scientists have discovered a species of jellyfish that has the ability to revert itself to a stage of infancy when on the verge of death. Turritopsis dohrnii, a species of half-inch long cnidarians, was discovered over a century ago, but its regenerative powers were not known until the 1990s, when researchers suddenly became suspicious of the lack of fingernail sized jellyfish carcasses found during sea sweep research.

When subjected to starvation, physical damage, or other undesirable states, Turritopsis turns itself into a blob of polyp cells, the youngest state of jellyfish, which then begins growing into a swarm of full size jellyfish. Though this process can be repeated indefinitely, Turritopsis usually allow themselves to die eventually, citing boredom, exhaustion from swarming, and a lack of purpose.

While it is clear that the physical make-up of Turritopsis is able to cheat death, scientists are still unsure if the soul of the original jellyfish lives on in the blob it becomes upon reversion, and are expected to seek the advice of holy persons of various faiths and spiritual disciplines. The two groups are sure to reach a satisfactory and wholly explanatory conclusion to the argument, which takes into account all beliefs of all people, an event upon which God and Colonel Sanders will descend upon the earth and feed all living people with an abundance of popcorn chicken.

The senior citizens of the world, who now prefer to be called ‘the elderly’, are excited at the prospect of research that has the potential to yield drugs that induce youth instantaneously and allow for immortality. In anticipation, the Social Security Administration has requested to be taken out back and shot before the shit hits the fan.

Sorry Sponge, You Suck

1/29/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Science

While many in the scientific community were close to certain that simple lifeforms like sponges were the first living creatures on earth, several studies have uncovered evidence that the original sinners were more likely the Placozoans, tiny multi-cellular organisms about a millimeter long that are known for their lack of complex biological systems, quick wit, and warm hospitality.

A Placozoan sort of looks like… a sponge.

A study conducted by scientist Rob DeSalle confirmed conjecture that animal evolution is not a single sequence of occurrences, but in fact a multipronged progression. The discovery that the precursors of a nervous system in Placozoans and other lower lifeforms (invertebrates such as jellyfish) differ in their development from those found in higher ones shows that such systems may have evolved many times over in various groups of animals. According to DeSalle, systems and organs including the eye, the stomach, and the spine have evolved many times over in varying forms.

Tags: Evolution, Science

Duke’s Former Dungeon Masters Invent Invisibility Cloak

1/16/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Science

The science community is zeroing in on an achievement previously only thought attainable by the most dedicated of Dungeon Masters. No, the creators of Axe Body spray haven’t added Level 5 charm spells to the list of their product’s active ingredients, but scientists at Duke University have been tinkering with the creation of an invisibility cloak - and they may be on the right track.

Formerly a pipe dream for lonely adolescent minds, the new technology has been brought to the brink of existence thanks to the invention of “metamaterials” that work to deflect microwaves around a 3-D object. This complex system turns the object of desired invisibility into more or less a mirage, as heat works to bend light rays thereby cloaking both behind and in front of an image. While the brand new discovery will most likely be an tool rife for military exploitation, one scientist is creatively considering using it to check out his friend’s totally hot sister in the shower…you know, just so he can test it out.

Tags: Duke, Invisibility Cloak, Science

Google Earth Just Got Awesomer

12/29/08 - Posted by Brian Burns under Science

British researchers have “discovered” a previously-uncharted part of our globe: a 27-mile stretch of forest around Mt. Mabu in Mozambique. The area, though known to natives, was unknown to the rest of the world (mostly because it lay within a brutal war zone as recently as 1992).

At least, it was unknown before the group of boy geniuses stumbled upon an unmarked patch of green forest on a GoogleMaps. We kid you not. The same application young professionals use to scope out apartments was just used to pinpoint a part of our own planet we didn’t know existed, and in turn helped us find hundreds of new species we didn’t know were there.

The find not only speaks to the majesty of our planet and the wonder of what still remains in our clear view, but it also speaks to the laziness of explorers these days. I mean, really? No one has, like, walked around in Southern Africa since 1992? You needed a computer to find a mountain?

Think about it - what would America be if Columbus had turn-by-turn GPS directions to East Asia? France, that’s what. And that would suck.

Tags: Google, Google Maps, Science

HOLY COW: 1000 New Species in Makong

12/16/08 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Science

Woohoo: New studies document the discovery of more than 1000 new species of plants and animals in a region of the Eastern Arc Mountains of Tanzania and Kenya.

Experts say that because these lifeforms are unique to this relatively small region, preservation of these lands is vastly important to the conservation movement made popular by the resurgance of the Ace Ventura movies. The troubled nations that house this region are now receiving the attention of environmental groups who are clearly more concerned with saving 96 animals, 832 plants and hundreds of invertebrates that they learned existed last week than the social and political unrest that has led to the deaths of scores of impoverished Africans.

While we have only just discovered these organisms, scientists who have been researching this new mammal (et al.) mecca say that many of these species have ancient lineage, indicated by their genetic make up. This provides a rare opportunity to uncover unknown facts about our own physiology through the study of primates such as the bushbaby, an animal about whom not much is known (except for testimonials from local tribespeople, who say that they are delicious).

While there is much excitement within the scientific community, environmental NGOs worldwide are exasperated that we only now came upon these species that may have had a better chance of survival if we had begun preservation efforts sooner. They will have to accept the reality that they were there for millions of years and we only heard about them last week, providing further evidence that we know so little about this planet we’re determined we can save.

Tags: Animals, Science

Major Twitter to Ground Control

12/08/08 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Industry, Science

Until recently, NASA did an excellent job keeping the terms “outer space” and “relatable” on separate planets. That all changed in May, when the rocket scientists at NASA finally decided to add some personality to a mission by creating a twitter profile for their historic Phoenix Lander.

40,000 followers of the planetary probe have been receiving updates since the lander’s touch down on Mars’ surface, when a tweet was sent reading, “I dig Mars.” The micro blogging site has helped NASA establish a rapport with the public like never before. Unfortunately, the Lander has been dormant on the red planet since November 11th, but if it should come back to life anytime soon, Twitter users could be amongst the first to know. However, they’d probably be better off without constant status updates on each grain of sand analyzed and the Phoenix’s narcissistic tendency to let followers know what it eats for lunch everyday- but that’s twitter for ya.

Tags: Industry, Mars, NASA, Space, Twitter

(More) Tough Times Ahead for Palin

11/20/08 - Posted by Brian Burns under Science, US

Sarah Palin stumbled triumphantly onto the national political scene last September, when she was tabbed as John McCain’s running mate. Now, after a humbling November defeat, she’s back to being just Governor. And if trying to bring life to the Republican campaign wasn’t impossible enough, Palin is returning to tough times in Alaska.

The state budget is due in one month, and it comes at a time when the Alaskan economy is suffering under tanked oil prices. Then, of course, Palin has to facilitate further construction on her natural gas pipeline, and dodge further wrongdoing in the TrooperGate case, all within a local political culture where her fiery right-wing campaign rhetoric has turned away the democrats with whom she created her celebrated bipartisan record.

This past year, Sarah Palin proved that a history of small-town politics can be detrimental in a national campaign. In the next few months, she may also prove the opposite. And to make matters even worse, it’s coming on winter in Alaska, where it gets darker and colder than any hell elsewhere in the US (nevermind most of Canada). In such tough times, what would a maverick do?

This just in: Sarah Palin is Secretly Not a Genius. Good. We’re glad to know for sure. Now what would we do without the Internets?

Tags: Politics, Sarah Palin

Family is Forever

11/19/08 - Posted by Evan Kessler under International Affairs, Science

While Sly may have made The Family Stone a household name thanks to some dynamite funk music way back in the 1970’s, he certainly didn’t invent the concept of family. As it turns out, sharing intimate moments with your closest relatives and saddling them with unnecessary emotional baggage is older than Stonehenge.

Scientists in Central Germany recently uncovered a grave containing bones from four individuals that DNA tests revealed were that of a mother, father and their two children. This find is a remarkable one in that, according to Wolfgang Haak of the University of Adelaide Australia, the genetic link between the study subjects provides scientists with their earliest evidence of the existence of the nuclear family structure in the Central European region. Unfortunately, it’s also the earliest evidence of a Central European family being brutally attacked, as several telling signs on their skeletal remnants pointed to being the victims of outside violence.

The astonishing find was most likely met by disappointment from the likes of Pauly Shore and Sean Astin who were hoping the Stone Age clan was impacted in ice and could be thawed out in time to revive their careers with an “Encino Man” sequel entitled “Encino Family”.

Tags: Anthropology, Archaeology

Space Age FAIL

11/19/08 - Posted by Matt Gierhart under Science, US

You remember that weekend when you were a kid and your dad wanted you to ‘help’ him build something in the garage…. but then you spent the whole time looking around while your dad swore under his breath because he had lost his tools? Well the same thing happens in space, except space tools cost a lot more.

So the story is; astronaut Heide Stefanyshyn-Piper decided to do a little work on the international space station–but it wasn’t exactly productive. First her space grease gun leaked all over her bag. Then, while trying to clean the rest of her space tools the bag slipped and floated away. Le whoops.

I don’t claim any degrees or experience in space engineering, but my uncle is a retired space engineer and that should count for something. So here is my plan: Let’s put all the space tools on little wires that allow the tools to float around when not needed and pulled in close when they are needed. Its just an idea.

I’ve included a picture to better illustrate my idea. You’re welcome NASA, we’re just trying to help.

Tags: Construction, Oh Crap, Space

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