A 44-year-old Australian woman is being charged with murder after botching a penis fire that caused injuries leading to her husbands death. The woman, Rajini Narayan, says that she decided to perpetrate the wang arson because she grew jealous after seeing her husband hugging another woman. In a sworn statement to police, the woman stated “I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else.” Narayan is now the proud possessor not only of the burnt penis she so desired, but also of a dead husband and all the associated burial costs.
The woman’s husband was sleeping when she doused his genitals with alcohol and set the area ablaze. He awoke frantically and knocked over the bottle of alcohol, spreading the flames to other items in the room. He appeared less concerned with the family heirloom linens than with his own precious heirloom (zing!), which further angered his wife.
“She’s a bitch. A crazy, penis burning bitch” said the man’s ghost, now sitting on a bench in a park that eternally experiences sunset and where the ducks never poop on the walkway. “I was the laughing stock of purgatory, but who’s laughing now?” When asked if he felt vengeful, the ghost stated “I’m not gonna sink to her level. But I do hope she grows a penis one day and someone sets it on fire.”
