At the moment we’re not sure we can handle the emotional intensity of this one, so we’re just going to lay it out there. Brace yourselves: pansy-ass guido illusionist Criss Angel and bobblehead blonde bombshell Holly Madison have called it quits. Details of this incredibly sad sob story involving two totally relevant and important cultural figures are a little hazy at the time, but it seems as though Madison’s “career goals” can be blamed for the split.
Though this breakup is really, seriously depressing for all parties—including a particular OneRiot writer who had Vegas money on it ‘going the distance, bro’—sources say the pair have remained amicable and still care deeply for one another. As for now, the former girl next door has been spotted in line for reality TV tryouts, hanging by the pool at the Sunset Standard, and slinking around outside the Playboy Mansion wondering if she should have left after all. Conversely, Angel has signed on to do his tepid magic show at the Luxor until 2030. It’s a shame, really. With his tricks and her, erm…talents, these two could’ve had it all.
