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FBI vs Salmonella: The Unofficial Transcript

2/10/09 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under Hot Topics

FBI agents Snipes and Warren sit in an unmarked van outside a plant in rural Georgia. They’re both suiting up and arming themselves with their weapons.

Snipes: You’ll have to wear this protective mask when we infiltrate the premises.
Warren: Do you think that kind of precaution is necessary?
Snipes: The FDA’s been watching these guys since January 30th; it’s worth it. Do you have any idea what these things are capable of? This is biological warfare, Warren.
Warren: So you’re telling me…
Snipes: If just one of those jars gets out in the open…it could mean thousands of lives.

Warren: Alright Snipes, let’s do this thing. I’ll take point. Cover me.
Snipes: I’m right behind you.
Warren: If anything happens to me, you tell my wife—
Snipes: I’ve got you covered, Warren. Move out.

Warren busts open the door to the plant and points his loaded M-16 at a line worker.

Snipes: Alright motherf*cker, drop the peanuts and get your face in the dirt!
Warren: Peanut Corporation of America, your days of shipping contaminated peanut butter to 43 states are over!
Snipes: Sayonara, salmonella!
Warren: Hope you’re used to the bars on these windows…you’ll need to be!

Warren and Snipes holster their guns and slap five. Victorious music plays.

Snipes: I f*cking love this job.

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