There must be something in the water (other than those damn Somali Pirates), because this weeks hot topics were stacked with the kind of stuff that should only happen in movies - bad movies, featuring Christian Bale as Satan and a rap soundtrack by Joaquin (yes, that Joaquin) Phoenix.
1. Munchkin on Mescaline
We don’t know exactly what that dentist fed this poor little kid, but it totally looks like fun. Okay now I… now I… I have two fingers.
Stoned Little Kid After Dentist Visit - Watch more Funny Videos
2. Erykah Badu Twitters Third Child’s Birth
Twittering would be the last thing on our minds if we were in labor, and geez - we’re a search engine. High tens (and congrats) to this technologically with-it singer. http://topics.oneriot.com/badu-twitters-third-childs-birth
3. For Sale: 867-5309 (ee-i-ine)
Spencer Potter, a DJ, is selling his famous phone number on eBay, and if you have a couple hundred thousand bucks to spare, you could be the possessor of some of the most recognizable digits this side of 1982. Bidding currently sits at $369,100 - but that’s a small price to pay for the 100,000 calls a year this set of digits normally sees. Popularity isn’t cheap, y’all.
http://topics.oneriot.com/for-sale:-867-5309
4. Bale Loses His F&*k!@g S!*t
You’ve certainly heard this rant by now - and probably the remix - but what none of us seem to have heard is an apology. Way to hide under a rock, Christian - though given the circumstances, I guess we should commend you for not throwing it. http://topics.oneriot.com/bale-goes-ballistic
UPDATE: He apologized.
6. Joaquin “Tudor” Phoenix is a Rapper For Realz
A few months ago, Joaquin grew out his grizzlies and put on a rap show in LA. It was sort of inaudible, and he sort of fell off the stage, but the Phoenix maintains that he’s laying down traxx in his home studio for an album to be released shortly. We um, really can’t wait.
http://topics.oneriot.com/joaquins-rap-act-is-4-real
6. That’s Not a Snake, That’s a Tour Bus
Scientists just discovered the fossilised remains of an huge, enormous, and appalingly gigantic snake. This beast was about the length of a bus and snacked on crocodiles, which is probably the scariest thing we’ve heard since listening to Joaquin rap. Oh, did we mention it’s big?
http://topics.oneriot.com/bus-sized-boa-found
7. Sheyla Hershey has the Biggest Boobs Ever
No, really - it’s a record. The 28-year-old woman, who had to fly to Brazil to get her gallon-sized implants, officially holds the records for the world’s biggest ta-tas. “To me, big is beautiful,” said the 38KKK-sized Texan - and uh, well. She got the “big” part right. http://topics.oneriot.com/woman-sets-breast-implants-record
8. Somali Pirates Make $3.2 Million (More)
Those dang “pirates” scored another nice load of booty, and we’re just sort of wondering when we’re going to take these suckers out. Obama?
http://topics.oneriot.com/somali-pirates-nab-more-millions
9. Another Shoe Gets Political
As fun as it is to throw footwear at authority figures, this has to stop (or we’ll all be going barefoot at press conferences). And just asking: Why can’t any of these sole-chuckers hit a target?
http://topics.oneriot.com/Shoe-Hurled-at-Chinese-PM
10. Bill Gates Douses TED Attendees with Mosquitoes
Bill Gates is pissed that people aren’t manning up to the threat of malaria, so to prove a point, he released a swarm of the disease’s primary carriers, mosquitoes, into the audience at TED. Then they all donated tons of money to fund research. Wait, they didn’t?
http://topics.oneriot.com/bill-gates-unleashes-mosquitos
