A massive Gallup study has ranked US states and congressional districts in terms of the happiness of their residents, leaving many Americans feeling like shit just from hearing about it.
The 350,000 participant poll was comprised of 42 questions regarding not only the economic well-being of Americans, but their emotional health as well. In a shocking result, the data for the two factors were highly correlated; as it turns out, money not only buys happiness, it starts a trust fund that ensures happiness for generations to come.
The highest ranking state for happiness is Utah, leading many from more bitter, lonely states like West Virginia to conclude that ingorance comes up as bliss on a Gallup poll, to which Utah just smiled and said ‘bless your heart’. Hawaii came in second and third place went to Wyoming, where the one guy who lives in Wyoming was surveyed.
In general, West coast states tended to be happier, and the saddest region in America is the South. East coast states fell around the median, a result of apathy and snootiness when it comes to polls. The overall goal of the study is to help employers find ways to increase productivity among their workers. This initiative may backfire, however, because having/keeping/finding a job in America is exactly what’s making people depressed. Thanks a lot, Gallup.
