The never-ending war between man and metal wages on today in a flurry of shrapnel and leaves, as the diabolical hive mind of students at MIT announce their newest invention to destroy the world: gardening robots.
Thus far, these small, green thumbed machines have only been used to tend cherry tomatoes. They can water and harvest the innocent plants, as well as straight-up “pollinate,” them (i.e. have hot, dirty robo-plant sex). While gardening is usually thought of as an enjoyable suburban leisure activity, other favorite recreations such as knitting, playing golf, and boozing seem safe for now. Researchers however, are looking into more ways the robots can be used in agriculture. This may endanger the jobs of farmers, but that is just an insignificant side effect when viewed in the broader picture. The machines use a technology similar to the Roomba, a product that has focused exclusively on battling kittens and dust in recent years. Taking that into account, along with all robot stereotypes and science fiction novels, this clearly means the new bots will steal old people’s medicine and kill us all. For the record, just to cover all bases, pirates, ninjas, zombies, and Sarah Conner are not happy about this.
