When we first heard that Crystal Wiski, a teenager from Antelope, CA had sent 303,398 iPhone texts in one month, we thought there must be a perfectly reasonable explanation behind the exorbitant number of e-exchanges. In our minds, this perfectly reasonable explanation was something along the lines of her being a deaf mute who never learned sign language and thus needed the iPhone to communicate every single one of her thoughts and feelings, all the way down to “please pass the salt.”
As it turns out, there is a more rational explanation for Crystal’s excessive iPhone use, but not one that turns this into the feel good “technology helps those with disabilities” story of the year. Crystal is just really, really popular. She’s so popular that in the month of April, she averaged a mind blowing seven text messages a minute, which begs the question how can she possibly hold down a 40-hour a week job, sleep less than a shark, go to school, and not be either the most annoying person in the world to hang out with or a foreign government engineered cyborg hell bent on clogging network bandwidth with a constant stream of ZOMGs and ROFLs? Pray tell.
