North Korea has threatened to wipe the US clean off the world map.
Atlas publishers and cartographers alike have begun readying their erasers, as earlier today North Korea threatened to wipe the US clean off the world map. Kim Jong Il and company placed the portentous writing on the cautionary chalkboard after accusing the United States of trying to provoke Korean War 2 (not to be confused with KW2, Tight End for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers) by following a North Korean vessel on a less than routine delivery of “illicit” weapons to the also suspect nation of Myanmar.
The move is seen as an attempt to test the recent imposed sanction of a no-sail period. The armed and dangerous nation warns that the interception (and subsequent return for a touchdown) of the vessel would be a declaration of war between the two nations. The warning is aptly timed as Wednesday is also the eve of the 59th anniversary of the Korean War outbreak. The original, barbarous conflict lasted three long years (your grandfather, the stories he could tell), ultimately ending in a truce, that never settled the dispute between North and South. It would only make sense that the sequel should start 59 years later to the day and double the box office gross of the original.
While diplomats worldwide are currently scrambling to get North Korea back to the disarmament talks table, it is believed that the North may soon fire “a Scud missile with a range of up to 310 miles (500 kilometers) or a short-range ground-to-ship missile with a range of 100 miles.” While neither of those projectiles would land within reach of the United States, the threat of an all out GloboThermoNuclear war is as good a reason as any to drop a few hints to that young looker you’ve had your eye on, in the hopes that you can finally “get it on.” After all, if it’s going to be the end of the world as we know it, wouldn’t you like to feel fine?
IF YOUR HOMETOWN BECAME THE TARGET FOR AN APPROACHING NUCLEAR
MISSILE,You would most likely have no advance warning of it’s arrival. Your government
will not panic it’s people who they cannot save anyway. No “special news bulletins” will
interupt your television show. The Emergancy Broadcast System will not air on radio.
No air raid sireins will sound off. No hysterical neighbors running around in the streets.
No one will be running each other over frantically trying to get as far away from town as
possible. When the initial flash hits, this life is over in a billionth of a second. And if you
are not a born again christian, you will instantly feel the scortching of Hell, and wondering
what happened and how you got there so quickly, while back on Earth, the thurmosphere
explosion is still scortching away the bare ground where your hometown was only
seconds before. And in Hell,”AN EYE FOR AN EYE” will do you no good. However, those
of us who are going to Heaven will have no need of, or can care less about taking an eye
for an eye.
Is Harrry a pseudonym for Kirk Cameron?