Happy Bastille Day OneRiot readers! Today marks the 220th anniversary of the day revolutionary frog forces stormed the Bastille fortress-prison symbolizing the people’s disenchantment with the Monarchy and the arrival of a modern France. It’s also known as the last time those surrender monkeys didn’t back down from a challenge and runaway at the slightest inkling of any sort of threat. But we here at OneRiot praise you, France, for we too are cowards - er, lovers - not fighters (though we will put a boot in yer ass the American way). So all you Gerard Depardieus, Inspector Clousseaus, and Sophie Marceaus, in tribute to your special day, we here at OneRiot thought we’d make a little quiz to test the Frenchiness of our readers. So without further ado…OneRiot’s How French are Eau? quiz!
1. Have you ever used a bidet?
a. Yes (very french)
b. No (you could be from anywhere)
c. What’s a bidet? (go back to Tennessee)
d. Was that the water fountain next to my toilet? (we’re just speechless)
2. If you said yes to question 1…Did you like it?
a. Yes, very much so. (very french)
b. It got my backside clean, I can’t complain. (Mere European)
c. It seemed a tad bit unnecessary, there was paper there. (Realist)
3. How do you kiss the your significant other?
a. I rub noses like the Eskimoses (Alaskan…Almost Russian)
b. I fancy a peck on the cheek very often (Kind of adorable. Also, you’re too young to be reading this site.)
c. I use my tongue…I believe they call it French Kissing (very french)
4. When you get into an argument with someone in which you know you are right, you…
a. Stand up for yourself (Not french at all)
b. Give them all of your money and tell them they could stay in your
house if they so please (Very French)
c. You tell them you have no feelings about either side of the
argument (You are Swiss)
5. Jerry Lewis is…
a. The guy who hosts those weird telethons and saves the children
(American as apple pie)
b. The guy who starred in the Day The Clown Cried (Cynical movie snob)
c. The funniest person in the world (very french)
6. My favorite type of bread is:
a. Flaxseed Seven Whole Grain Sesame Gluten-free for the environent
(Dirty Hippie)
b. White Bread (you are a seven-year old American)
c. Marble Rye (from New York)
d. French Bread (Very French)
7. Mimes are…
a. Les artistes magnifique (Very French)
b Scary like clowns. (Anywhere else)
8. Gerard Depardieu’s best film is…
a. My Father, The Hero (Grey’s Anatomy Fan)
b. Cyrano de Bergerac (Very French)
c. Green Card (You’ve got a thing for Andie Macdowell)
9. The word Provence is pronounced…
a. Prah-vince (you’re from Canada)
b. Pruh-vontz (Very French)
c. Providence (You’re from New England and obviously aren’t looking at the word)
10. Nicholas Sarkozy’s wife is…
a. A beautiful woman
b an accomplished chanteuse, model and style icon
c. a home-wrecker we can all love
d. all of the above (this is the indisputable answer–pick this one.)
11. Where is the bathroom?
a. (*rolls eyes*) (Very French)
b. I don’t know. (Generally unaware of where the bathroom is)
c. It’s two doors down on the right (informed)
There you have it readers. If you’ve given more answers that imply that you are French, then congratulations - and enjoy all of the croissants and cheese you can get your froggy little hands on this Bastille Day. Au revoir!
My mom used a bidet by accident once - we were in a hotel in Mexico. We didn’t know what a bidet was. My mom reached over and turned it on, and it squirted her in the armpit!
So you’re saying she’s not French.