After reading a study stating that “when drivers of heavy trucks texted, their collision risk was 23 times greater than when not texting,” Captain Obvious was able to infer an even larger hypothesis that texting while driving is just generally a bad idea.
In these chaotic times, human beings continually find themselves at the mercy of societal behaviors that wreak havoc on the ability to manifest our own special brand of common sense. Luckily, when our inability to reason is thwarted by the temptation of dangling carrots such as our impulse to “bring the blow dryer into the shower” or “type that really funny text message to our friends whilst driving 90mph through a school zone” there is a brave superhero who uses his gallant rationale for good by transferring it to those who need it - and his name is Captain Obvious.
For his most recent act of valor, our shining star of sensibility was able to transfer his recognition of the cognitive dissonance inherent in texting while driving to the brains of several prominent lawmakers. After reading a study earlier in the week by the Virginia Tech Transportation Institute stating that “when drivers of heavy trucks texted, their collision risk was 23 times greater than when not texting,” Captain Obvious was able to infer an even larger hypothesis that texting while driving is just generally a bad idea. He quickly directed this superthought towards the receptive brains of Senators Charles Schumer (D-NY), Robert Menendez (D-NJ), Mary Landrieu of Louisiana and Kay Hagan of North Carolina.
The highway safety loving quartet of Senators now have plans to unveil legislation banning the dangerous practice of texting while driving on America’s roads, proving that Captain Obvious’s message was received loud and clear. Oh well, all in a days work for this superhero. Just remember, there’s a little of Captain Obvious inside all of us.
