Criminals are vile. But not like this…ugh…not like this. 25 year old Michael Vera is a Texan who equals about four regular Texans. The 600 pound man was apprehended by police after committing undisclosed crimes. Although he had managed to conceal himself by hiding behind a trash dumpster, police at the scene located him by following the sound of his breathing, a struggling drone that could be heard from at lease a block away.
Vera was booked at the local precinct and managed to make it through three levels of security with a 9mm and two clips concealed on his person. His secret hiding place? Between the rolls on his own big, big self. Houston police officials acknowledged the blunder, citing that mistakes were made when standard procedure to search obese persons was not correctly implemented by officers. A representative of the policeman’s union gave this horrifying quote that’s bound to diminish recruitment for years to come:
“We teach officers to lift up and look under. The officer may not have arrested anyone this big before.”
MMMM, bacon.