The Story: New species of creatures lurking in the deep sea have just been discovered.  Unfortunately their names are way too scientific to remember, so we’re taking it upon ourselves to rename them for you.

The Search:  Deep Sea Creatures

They’re creepy and crawly and most of us have no knowledge of them beyond what we learned on Planet Earth. But deep sea creatures appear to be multiplying and diversifying as often as Britney Spears changes bikinis.

Scientists at Louisiana State University recently released a study documenting 17,650 species of life residing more than 656 feet below the ocean surface—below the point at which light ceases to illuminate the sea.  And while we’re really stoked for those scientists who’ve worked tirelessly to document thousands of new creatures, we’re a little disappointed. Truth is, the name “Coryphaenoides brevibarbis” doesn’t really describe the Deep Sea Rat-Tail in our vernacular.

In the interest of secularizing the lightless ocean depths, we’re giving new names to five newly discovered species:

Crassota Jellyfish – because of this deep-sea jelly’s red hue, helmet-like exterior and raggedy tentacles, we hereby rename it the “Sean White jellyfish.”

Ghost Shrimp – Sure, it’s ghoulishly white and could probably sneak up on you in the black water, but its relatives’ cinematic experience in an out-of-this-world Ridley Scott film has convinced us to rename it the “Facehugger Shrimp.”

Cliona Limacina – This one’s easy: its rubbery exterior and translucent color begs only one appropriate name. Ladies and gentlemen, we’re pleased to introduce the safe-swimming “Durex Snail.”

Roundnose Grenadier – This surprised-looking creature is in what seems to be a constant state of shock. Therefore, we’ve decided to name it the “Taylor Swift at the VMAs Fish.”

Jeweled Anemone – Oh, our bad. That’s just Liza Minnelli.