The Story: A redheaded boy was beaten on “Kick a Ginger” Day.  Is Cartman to blame?

The Search: Ginger Beat

A 12 year old red haired school student in California fell victim to a new holiday called ‘Kick a Ginger Day’, which involves kicking kids with freckles and red hair. Authorities were quick to abate the idea that kids can be so cruel, and decided that a four year old episode of South Park must have had something to do with it. The episode in question, entitled ‘Ginger Kids’ depicts fat bastard Eric Cartman spouting bigotry directed toward red heads. We didn’t think we’d have to spell this out to people, but we’re gonna have to make one of our famous lists for all the morons out there who can’t sort it out for themselves. Here are reasons why people shouldn’t do things that Eric Cartman does.

He’s hates minorities
Over the years, Cartman has explicitly expressed his hatred for blacks, muslims, hispanics, immigrants, people from the future, people from the past, and most ostensibly in his disputes with Kyle, jews. The protagonists of the show constantly call him out for being a horrible racist, berating him and seeking revenge at every possible opportunity. THAT MEANS HE’S THE BAD GUY. Don’t listen to the bad guy. When you watched Thundercats as a kid, you didn’t want to be Mumra. Apply that logic here.

He’s a glutton.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with being a little overweight, but Cartman is an unrelenting eater who displays unhealthy characteristics time and time again. He can’t stop eating and he can’t keep up with the other kids physically. These are bad habits that should be avoided (though, honestly, you wouldn’t know it seeing school kids these days).

He’s mean to his mom
It’s been repeatedly demonstrated on the show that Cartman is a spoiled brat with a mom who just can’t say no. He bitches and whines and gets whatever he wants from his spineless mother. As a parent, this should be a red flag for you. If you don’t want your kids to treat you in this way, it might be a good idea to intervene when your kid starts acting like Cartman.

He’s a selfish
This is a bullet point that we can’t believe we’re explaining. Maybe you should just watch the show. Seriously, any of the nearly 200 episodes will give a pretty clear indication that this kid is not a role model.

He’s…OK, I think we’ve covered everything

To anyone out there still saying that the creators of South Park are to blame for kids acting like Eric Cartman and beating up ginger kids, we realize we may have used too many big words to make our argument. We’ll make it clear. TV Raise Child Bad. You Raise Child Good. You Make Child Nice Person. You Take Res-Pons-I-Bil-I-Ty (Look Up if Not Understand).