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Posts Tagged ‘Animals’

Polly Want a Medal?

3/25/09 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under OneRiot News

It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No it really is a bird, and this parrot is here to save the day

Willie, a Quaker parrot from Denver, Colorado was honored with the Red Cross’ Animal Lifesaver Award on Friday after alerting his owner of a choking child. Babysitter Megan Howard was feeding Hannah, a toddler, in the kitchen, but left the room for a few minutes. During this time the child started gagging on cereal, which prompted Willie the wonder-foul to screech “Mama, baby!” and flap his wings. The alerted babysitter babysitter performed the Heimlich maneuver and was able to save the child. 

When asked to speak a few words at his acceptance speech, Willie had a few choice words to say, as fame has obviously turned him into a diva, hence the necessity for a re-enactment video played by Sparky the Scottish Parrot.

HOLY COW: 1000 New Species in Makong

12/16/08 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Science

Woohoo: New studies document the discovery of more than 1000 new species of plants and animals in a region of the Eastern Arc Mountains of Tanzania and Kenya.

Experts say that because these lifeforms are unique to this relatively small region, preservation of these lands is vastly important to the conservation movement made popular by the resurgance of the Ace Ventura movies. The troubled nations that house this region are now receiving the attention of environmental groups who are clearly more concerned with saving 96 animals, 832 plants and hundreds of invertebrates that they learned existed last week than the social and political unrest that has led to the deaths of scores of impoverished Africans.

While we have only just discovered these organisms, scientists who have been researching this new mammal (et al.) mecca say that many of these species have ancient lineage, indicated by their genetic make up. This provides a rare opportunity to uncover unknown facts about our own physiology through the study of primates such as the bushbaby, an animal about whom not much is known (except for testimonials from local tribespeople, who say that they are delicious).

While there is much excitement within the scientific community, environmental NGOs worldwide are exasperated that we only now came upon these species that may have had a better chance of survival if we had begun preservation efforts sooner. They will have to accept the reality that they were there for millions of years and we only heard about them last week, providing further evidence that we know so little about this planet we’re determined we can save.

Pocket Sized Pain: The 6 Smallest Deadly Creatures

12/15/08 - Posted by Evan Kessler under OneRiot News

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. What “they” don’t tell you, is that sometimes mother nature doesn’t want you to get stronger, she just wants you dead.

We don’t know what you’ve done to piss her off so much, but odds are visiting Australia has something to do with it. Taking a swim in the land down under is an enter at your own risk endeavor as the continent’s surrounding seabed hosts three of her earthly majesty’s six most malicious menaces. The Geographic Cone Snail, Box Jellyfish, and Blue-Ringed Octopus all get a kick out of injecting your body with debilitating toxins that mostly result in a relatively painful and swift demise. The latter’s venom is potent enough to take out 26 humans in a matter of minutes.

While you may not be practicing your breastroke off the coast of Queensland anytime soon, there are plenty other treacherous living things willing to do mother nature’s deadly bidding at the drop of a hat. South America plays host to both Colombia’s Golden Dart Frog and the Brazilian Wandering Spider. The former may look adorable, but touching this tiny amphibians skin packs enough punch to kill you and nine of your fellow hikers who haven’t learned their lesson after watching you flailing on the ground. The latter arachnid annoyance is known as the World’s Deadliest spider and enjoys cool, dark places which could basically be anywhere in Brazil at night.

Africa’s lone entry into the deadliest environmental hitman competition is the most frighteningly named. The Deathstalker hides in the desert sands and aggressively attacks intruders, immobilizing them with their venom so that they might feast on their flesh. Well, that settles it we’re taking our next vacation in either Europe, Asia, or the good ‘ol U.S. of A.

No Love for Yang Yang

11/24/08 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under International Affairs

Everyone needs a good cuddle now and then– everyone that is, except Yang Yang the Panda.

A college student in Southern China, who just wanted to “spread the love,” hopped a 6.5 foot fence at Qixing Park Zoo and attempted to embrace Yang Yang. Apparently, Yang Yang wasn’t feelin’ it, because he attacked the 20-year-old by biting him all over the arms and legs.

Zoo employees have reported that the panda has been behaving quiet normally, showing no psychological effects from the love-tackle. The man underwent surgery Friday evening and will remain in the hospital for several days, but otherwise will recover. While in the hospital, the student was able to release a statement; “Yang Yang was so cute, and I just wanted to cuddle him. I didn’t expect he would attack.”

No one ever does my friend, no one ever does.

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Gossip

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    11/03/09

    The Summary: Mel Gibson becomes a father of eight children - and OneRiot renames them all.
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  • Jackson Biography Draws the Attention of Hollywood & Interweb

    10/28/09

    In a triumphant posthumous return to the trending topics, Michael Jackson reared his beautifully-singing head on the social web when chatter about the release of his film biography reminded everyone just how influential his passing was. The new picture documents the life of the icon, along with (very) recent footage of Jackson prepping for his [...]

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  • With Great Power Comes Great Twesponsibility

    10/15/09

    Last night, thousands of status updates were sent out into the Twittersphere by concerned individuals who believed they were passing on an Amber Alert for a three year old boy. Descriptions of the perp’s Mitsubishi Eclipse and license plate spread like wildfire, and #98B351 quickly became a trending topic. Not long after, celebrity @KhloeKardashian retweeted [...]

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  • Jon and Kate Plus Eight Minus Jon

    9/29/09

    Bad news, Ed Hardy fans: it’s been scientifically (read: conditionally) proven (read: suggested) that wearing the brand 24/7 will ruin your career. At least, that’s what it—coupled with a series of other bad decisions—did for Jon Gosselin. The horrific fashion victim, best known for his appearances on the reality program Jon and Kate Plus [...]

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  • Imma Let U Finish But Kim Was the Most Famous Kardashian of ALL TIME

    9/24/09

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