The Story: Galileo’s missing fingers were recently sold at an auction.  While it’s odd that his two digits finally surfaced after all these years, what’s more curious is why anyone would be buying them in the first place.

The Search: Galileo Fingers

Many great mysteries plague modern man.  Amongst them: what is the meaning of life; how did we get here and where did we misplace Galileo’s fingers? The first two still haven’t really been answered satisfactorily, but this weekend we found an answer to the latter. In 1737, after the esteemed scientist was moved to his final resting place, three fingers were cut from his hand along with a tooth from his lower jaw. Tabs were kept on these digits and lone denticle until 1905 when a sealed jar containing 2 of the fingers and the  tooth mysteriously vanished.  A miscellaneous jar of fingers popped up recently at an auction where it was purchased for a currently undisclosed price. The purchaser then promptly brought his dismembered digits to the Museum of the History of Science in Florence where the find was brought to the public’s attention. While we’re glad that Galileo’s fingers are resting safely in the hands of the science-minded, the one question that begs to be answered is, “why was this person buying fingers in a jar at an auction…and if they weren’t Galileo’s what was he/she planning on doing with them?  We here at OneRiot have our suspicions. After all, we know what we’d do with two fingers.

1. Make an Ironic Peace Sign- Connecting two dead fingers to pretend as though they’re making a peace sign would make a real artistic statement against the horrors of war…or the price of peace protesting.

2. Complete Our Human Body Puzzle- We’ve been rummaging around in landfills for years looking for spare body parts to make an awesome human body puzzle.  We just need 2 fingers and a head. Unfortunately, someone outbid us for two fingers.  We’ll find a head yet.

3. Ransom- No better get rich quick scheme than a little ransom note with a finger inside to say you’re serious.  Of course…if the fingers are hundreds of years old it’s like nobody actually got hurt in the process, so it’s a win-win.  Plus, with a pair of them you can send ransom notes to two separate parties. (more…)