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Posts Tagged ‘Bristol Palin’

The Heartbreaker Babymakers: Palin & Levi Split

3/12/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Gossip

In a move no one could have possibly seen coming, Bristol Palin and her baby’s daddy Levi “Jeans” Johnston have called it quits. The parents of Tripp Clawhammer Marmaduke Palin had a good run, but in the end marriage just didn’t seem to be in the cards for the young opponents of abstinence.

No official word has been given as to why the split occurred, but experts and non-experts alike are speculating that they really never wanted to get married in the first place. In the meantime, Levi will continue to struggle with working in the oil fields and taking care of his kid, but it’s worth noting that with his semi-newfound celebrity he could probably snag a part in a reality show. Bachelorette: Alaska, anyone? Meanwhile, the collapse of family values seems to put a dent in Hot Grandma Palin’s presidential hopes. How will a hungry nation of lustful conservatives react to the collapse of her family’s values. Only time will tell. Tripp in 2044!

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5 Reasons Why it Sucks to be Bristol Palin’s Baby

12/29/08 - Posted by Matt Gierhart under Gossip

Bristol Palin just gave birth to a baby boy, and following in her mother’s footsteps she’s gifted the kid with an nontraditional name (Tripp), and thrown in two more for good measure (Easton Mitchell). But it’s too easy to make fun of the Palin clan and their naming conventions; it’s too easy to throw in some ‘you betcha she’s a darn Grammas’; but what we can say is that we hope, we pray that little Tripp finds a way to escape the crazy world he just entered. Let’s make a list of what this kid is going to go deal with:

(1) The pregnancy began as a a political lightning rod that was the first blow to Sarah Palin’s rise to a political celebrity.

(2) He has two crazy Grandmas, one of whom was arrested on drug charges just last week.

(3) Levi himself has just made a career shift to training to be an electrician (previously wanting to go pro in hockey or dirt bikes).

(4) The baby was born in Alaska.

(5) Oh, and then there is the pending wedding between Bristol and Levi (a wedding that even Britney Spear’s little sister wrote wasn’t necessary and a bad idea).

Despite the crazy surrounding Bristol and baby Tripp, the two are said to be perfectly healthy. Gifts have been pouring in from around the world, and we wish all the best to the new family. Just one request: don’t apply for dual citizenship in Russia, Alaska isn’t really that close.

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Baby Mama Palin Drama: Just Add Oxycontin

12/22/08 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Politics, US

Not since Ellen Page and Michael Cera in Juno has there been a teen pregnancy super-duo the likes of Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston. This past election season, it seemed like the latter would’ve rather been anywhere other than the national spotlight after knocking up the family values-laden Alaska governor’s oldest, bizarrely named daughter. However, Just when Bristol’s Baby Daddy thought it was safe to pick up a newspaper (presuming that he reads all that people put in front of him) his mom had to go off and get nabbed by narcs.

Sherry Johnston, soon-to-be grandmother of baby “Cotangent” Palin-Johnston, was arrested and charged with not one, not two, but six felony counts of misconduct involving a controlled substance at her home in the inspirational town of Wasilla. It turns out she’s been dabbling in a bit of Oxycontin, a.k.a. Hillbilly Heroin, and will face charges including possession and second-degree misconduct (whatever that means).

Despite spending a brief period behind bars, Ms. Johnston was released on bail, presumably to prevent the travesty of having the current Alaska Governor take an active role in naming her grandchild who was slated to be birthed this weekend. The new grandma is slated to be arraigned January 6th, time enough to enjoy a drug addled New Year’s eve.

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Gossip

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    11/03/09

    The Summary: Mel Gibson becomes a father of eight children - and OneRiot renames them all.
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  • Jackson Biography Draws the Attention of Hollywood & Interweb

    10/28/09

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  • With Great Power Comes Great Twesponsibility

    10/15/09

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  • Jon and Kate Plus Eight Minus Jon

    9/29/09

    Bad news, Ed Hardy fans: it’s been scientifically (read: conditionally) proven (read: suggested) that wearing the brand 24/7 will ruin your career. At least, that’s what it—coupled with a series of other bad decisions—did for Jon Gosselin. The horrific fashion victim, best known for his appearances on the reality program Jon and Kate Plus [...]

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  • Imma Let U Finish But Kim Was the Most Famous Kardashian of ALL TIME

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