Search the realtime web - the news, stories and videos people are talking about right now.

Posts Tagged ‘Drama’

The Galactic Search for Love

11/11/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Gossip, US

picture-2019

The Story: Diaper-wearing Astronaut Lisa Nowak was sentenced today for her cross-country crime.  OneRiot casts the movie featuring the out of this world love triangle.

The Search: Lisa Nowak Sentence

Astronaut love is not like regular person love. Maybe that’s why the 2004 story of Lisa Nowak and the space-love triangle that caused her to drive 1000 miles to threaten her adjacent angle, Colleen Shipman, was so amazing to the public. Today, we receive an update on this torrid tale as Ms. Nowak found herself walking free with only the burden of a year’s probation and 50 hours of the dreaded penalty known as community service. The slap on the wrist came bundled in a plea bargain that was agreed upon despite Shipman’s certainty that, “It was in her eyes, a blood-chilling expression of unlimited rage and glee I am 100% certain Lisa Nowak came here to murder me.”

We at OneRiot know commercial viability when we see it, and this real life story has us jumping with unlimited rage and glee…mostly glee. We know this would make a great movie and to prevent the ensuing studio battle over the rights to this incredible story, we’ve taken the liberty of casting it. Don’t thank us, Hollywood. Just make us proud.

picture-2122Bill Oefelein: The man at the center of this triangle…or I suppose he’s one of the angles…is a real piece of work. While married, he had an affair with Nowak, only to later leave both his wife and Nowak for Colleen Shipman, prompting Nowak’s infamous diaper ride. Wow! Just ’cause he’s an astronaut, doesn’t mean he’s not a complete bastard, right? There’s only one man who could play such a rotten guy while still allowing the audience to see what these ladies see in him: Bill Paxton. You might think that his roles in Apollo 13 and Big Love led us to this decision. Wrong. It was his role as Coconut Pete in 2004’s Club Dread. Don’t bother trying to figure that one out, it’s way over your head. (more…)

Tags: , ,

Cavallari Goes Back to her Roots, Messes up LC’s Life Again

5/18/09 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under Gossip

Kristin Cavallari knows a thing or two about staying relevant without a lot of reason to do so. After many miniscule acting roles and many more failed spotlight romances, her time has finally come (again): the 22-year-old actress weaseled her way into the unholy, apocalyptic union wedding of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt a couple weeks back and, after catching the bouquet, somehow netted herself a six-episode stint on season six of MTV’s The Hills.


Cavallari is best known for her controversially bitchy role on Laguna Beach, the show that jump-started MTV’s revolting ‘real’ drama lineup. Unfortunately, the actress is truly that, and knows full well of her responsibilities on the upcoming program: “It’s work! And drama sells. I think that’s why they’re bringing me in, because I know what works.” Please hold your collective UGHHHHHs until after the show.

Tags: , ,

With Regretable Irony, a Drama Director Drops Dead

5/01/09 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under Gossip

In what many are calling the most ironic curtain call in recent history, NBC vice president of drama Nora O’Brien literally (not theatrically) dropped dead on set yesterday. In a gravely serious press conference, NBC execs announced that O’Brien would be severely missed. At the time of her death, O’Brien was working on the set of ‘Parenthood,’ a lively new drama based on a 1989 film of the same name. She’d been making a killing at the network for six years.

We swear on our lives that everyone at OneRiot sends their condolences to Nora O’Brien’s family and friends. But to NBC: please don’t cancel Must See TV this week; without a new episode of The Office we would just die.

(I am so sorry for writing this.)

Tags: , ,

Un/Intentionally Racist Cartoon Feels the Heat

2/19/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under US

A cartoon that may or may not be vaguely racist is being called definitely racist by the loudest people with an opinion, including Al Sharpton, a representative of the National Association of Black Journalists, and other generally angry folks that get press coverage.

The cartoon, which appeared in the always reliable New York Post, depicts two police officers wondering who will write the next stimulus bill after they gunned down a chimpanzee who apparently wrote the first one. Col Allen, editor in chief of the post, defended the cartoon and its creator, Sean Delonas, citing the chimp as a reference to recent Post-newsworthy events in Connecticut, where a person was mauled by a monkey that had to be shot repeatedly by police.

Despite a somewhat satisfactory explanation of the non-bigoted nature of this tasteless cartoon, many were quick to recall the racial epithets and slurs that likened monkeys to people of African descent. Though there is no evidence that the monkey in the cartoon was made to look like Obama, the Post did not consider the suggestive nature of the situation pictured before running it in their quality publication, which has adorned such frontpage headlines as ‘Spitzer Swallows!’ and ‘Lindsay Lohan Stole My Coat!’ The backlash, while at times unreasonable, could have easily been predicted.

Protestors outside the Post’s headquarters in Manhattan picketed and chanted “Shut the Post down!” - a reaction that never occurred against the administrators of bushorchimp.com.

Tags: , ,

Jennifer Aniston is Still Pissed

11/12/08 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under Gossip

Jennifer Anistondoesn’t have anything going on in her career wants the world to know how she feels about the Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt drama. In the latest issue of Vogue Magazine, Aniston was quoted as saying, “What Angelina did was very uncool…There was stuff printed there that was definitely from a time when I was unaware that it (the relationship) was happening. I felt those details were a little inappropriate to discuss.”

So in other words, Aniston is (still) bitter, and no one is (still) interested in any part of her life that doesn’t involve Brad. We’re thinking a Hefner hook-up (or a Cera knock-up) might help steer the press from this gloomsday angle, but still no word on whether either party is willing to take the plunge.

Tags:

Partnership

Recent Comments

Gossip

  • The Heirs To Uga VII’s Throne

    11/20/09

    The Story: With the passing of Georgia’s beloved bulldog icon, a new master-mascot must be chosen.  Who will it be?
    The Search: Uga VII
    Some of us are born into greatness and some have it unexpectedly thrust upon us and never learn to deal with it, leading us to end up in rehab.  You can count the [...]

    read more…

  • Johnny Depp Brings the Sex

    11/18/09

    The Story: Johnny Depp was named the sexiest man alive according to People magazine.  But is he man enough for this title?
    The Search: Sexy Johnny Depp
    I’m a man, and I find men disgusting. I look at other men, and the last adjective that comes to mind is ’sexy’. However, I can’t deny that among the [...]

    read more…

  • Appropriate Publicity Techniques

    11/12/09

    The Story: Carrie Prejean became extremely flustered while on-air with Larry King.  OneRiot breaks down her interviewing tactics, and helps her further her public speaking skills.

    The Search: Larry King & Carrie Prejean
    With all the pseudo-celebrities emerging over the past decade or so, we at OneRiot have grown increasingly concerned that people are getting famous for [...]

    read more…

  • The Galactic Search for Love

    11/11/09

    The Story: Diaper-wearing Astronaut Lisa Nowak was sentenced today for her cross-country crime.  OneRiot casts the movie featuring the out of this world love triangle.
    The Search: Lisa Nowak Sentence
    Astronaut love is not like regular person love. Maybe that’s why the 2004 story of Lisa Nowak and the space-love triangle that caused her to drive 1000 [...]

    read more…

  • Renaming Mel Gibson’s Octo-Spawn

    11/03/09

    The Summary: Mel Gibson becomes a father of eight children - and OneRiot renames them all.
    The Search: Mel Gibson’s Baby
    Everyone loves when celebrities have babies, because the names they grace them with offer solid proof that they operate on a whole different plane of existence. However, the latest celebrity couple to a offer a up [...]

    read more…

Updates

Partnership

Stuff We’re Watching

  • http://www.vimeo.com/7235817
  • http://www.vimeo.com/6958283
  • http://www.vimeo.com/6788487

Tweet Tweet

    more tweets
     

    You need to log in to vote

    The blog owner requires users to be logged in to be able to vote for this post.

    Alternatively, if you do not have an account yet you can create one here.

    Powered by Vote It Up