The Story: Some musicians were just never meant to rock.

The Search: John Denver Rock

Most fans of John Denver have to wait until they reach the pearly gates before they finally get to thank god for their own country boy-ishness, but one such fan of the late “Take Me Home, Country Roads” singer was pretty sure he could get that message out to the heavens from the confines of his Fon Du Lac, Wisconsin apartment.  Last week, police officers were notified of a loud, yet soothing racket of Denver tunes emanating from the man’s apartment by a neighbor. Officers banged on the  door to tell the noise code violator to keep it down.  The resident, however, missed the authoritative knocks of the law, no doubt due to the side effects of his “Rocky Mountain High.” The culprit of the folksy din later admitted to authorities that he missed their overtures due to the fact that he had been “rockin’ out.” Now, we here at OneRiot are a firm believer of the “to each their own” school of musical taste, and we think “Leavin’ On A Jet Plane” is a pretty great song, but we’re not really sure if it’s possible to “rock out” to John Denver.  Maybe you can “bop along” but there’s a limit.  That being said, here’s a few other artists that make “rockin’ out” a rather distinct impossibility.

Hootie & The Blowfish- The most exciting thing this inexplicably popular 90’s band could get us hyped for is the par five on the 16th hole at Sawgrass. With songs like “Hold My Hand” and “Only Want To Be With You,” we’d expect to hear Hootie & The Blowfish in the background of our awkward weather conversation in the elevator or in the dairy aisle of the supermarket before they make it onto anyone’s gym mix.

Celine Dion- We’d rather run our car straight into an iceberg than blast Celine Dion while driving 80 through a school zone. (more…)