Imagine this: A pulsing beat drums faintly in the background as two saucy strippers primp and prepare to take the neon. The xxx rated women are rivals at the local strip joint, and both are fighting to be the top dog. One’s an old talent, the other a fresh face eager to entertain on her first night on the job.  Tensions are high as the music begins to get louder. Their spray on tans glistening under the strobe lights, and long legs accentuated with their stiletto heels. Then, disaster strikes. This gentleman’s club ain’t big enough for the both of him, as the vixen veteran, upset with having to share the spotlight, rips off her pointy heeled shoe and begins to rabidly attack the newbie’s face with the shoe. (We’ll then indulge our gentleman readers and assume that this lead to intense hair pulling, scratching, and of course wrestling in pudding.)

While one may think that this is the plot for a low budget x-rated film, it was in fact a reality that took place the other day in Akron, Ohio. Police were called to the scene, and the victim was treated at the local hospital with seven staples all induced by multiple heel attacks to the face. Ouch.

Men: while we’d like to think that this scenario indulged your strip club-beatdown fantasies more than anything before it, we would also like to add that one of the strippers was 52 years old. So unless cougars are your thing… wait - did I just hear your dreams shattering?