If the movies of the 1980’s taught us anything, it’s that the only way to save an endangered apartment complex or teen rec center from evil land developers is to hold a mind numbingly awesome fundraiser featuring break dancing moves a la Turbo and Ozone or some raspy pop rock sung by someone Demi Moore-ish in stature. Unfortunately, a man in the town of Bishopstoke near Southampton in England never got this memo.

David Phyall, a 50 year old resident facing eviction from his apartment of eight years at the hands of the First Wessex Housing Group Ltd, chose to take matters into his own hands. Instead of planning an inspirational get together to warm the hearts and change the minds of those giving him the boot, he chose to plot his own gruesome death… by chainsaw.

The former resident of a one bedroom flat in the complex had apparently received 11 offers from the company of a new home, but rather than relocate like the rest of the building’s inhabitants, he decided that it would be more sensible to rig his Black and Decker (they love this sort of product placement) Chainsaw on a timer so that when it went off it would saw his head off. The plan almost worked, for when police happened upon the horrific scene they found the blade had cut three-quarters of the way through his neck. Call me crazy, but I’ll take relocation of my house over relocation of my head any day.