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Posts Tagged ‘Science’

On the Keeping of Magical Creatures

3/02/09 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under Hot Topics

Staff members at the OneRiot offices were shocked enough to learn that there are actually dolphins in some lakes, so when we discovered that—get this—a pink dolphin has been swimming around in one of them, things kind of got crazy.

While skeptics may suggest that our sources for this story included ‘The Dark Crystal’ on Blu-Ray and a suspicious baggy, the mystical creature truly exists. Charter boat captain Erik Rue caught a glimpse of the by-all-accounts mythological beast in Louisiana’s Lake Calcasieu and snapped its photo like a seasoned pap, creating a worldwide stir that has some conservationists really effing freaked out. After all, this is no common occurrence: some claim that the albino dolphin, reported to be “absolutely stunningly pink,” is the only one of its kind in the world.

This amazing aquatic enigma is fast becoming a thing of lore with Calcasieu locals, yet the most intriguing part of the tale is that it has yet to be given a name. So, in the spirit of OneRiot’s incredible social community (and penchant for shameless self-promotion), we want to read what you have to say: name the pink bottlenose in the comments and cement your place in history…or at least for the next couple days.

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VICTORY: Teenager Repellant!

2/27/09 - Posted by Mara Siegler under Hot Topics

You know those dog whistles that can only be heard by our four legged friends? Well there is also a pitch that only teens and those under 25 can hear, but this case the mosquito-like sound acts as a repellent to keep youth away.  Check it out  - can you hear it?

Right now it’s mostly used in shopping malls and stores to stem delinquent chilling, but could be put to good use in keeping unwanted priers out of your dorm room, booze burglars out of your alcohol cabinet, or for determining whether or not that new person you’re dating really is as young as they say.

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There Goes The Ozone (and $280 Mil)

2/24/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Hot Topics

A satellite designed to monitor the earth’s atmosphere for effects of man-caused global warming crashed into the ocean shortly after its scheduled launch early this morning. The nose cone, which is used to protect the satellite during blastoff, failed to dislodge itself. This put a weight strain on the satellite, and the entire package smashed into the sea near Antarctica, leaving no hope for salvaging its remains. The mission had been in planning for nine years and cost upwards of $280 million, prompting scientist Scott Denning to exclaim “Wow! Bad news this morning.”

Yes Scott. Bad news indeed. Not only was an incredible amount of work and equipment lost, but this mission’s failure has delayed the launch of another satellite planned for this year which will monitor the emission of greenhouse gases on earth. The advent of being without the data that these satellites are meant to gather leaves us in a state of not knowing how fast we are destroying our planet, and until we know that, how can we stop being destructive? We know exactly what is damaging our atmosphere, you say? Use public transportation, you say? My dear, non-scientist friend…let’s not lose our hats before all the data is in.

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Sorry Sponge, You Suck

1/29/09 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Hot Topics
While many in the scientific community were close to certain that simple lifeforms like sponges were the first living creatures on earth, several studies have uncovered evidence that the original sinners were more likely the Placozoans, tiny multi-cellular organisms about a millimeter long that are known for their lack of complex biological systems, quick wit, and warm hospitality.

A Placozoan sort of looks like… a sponge.

A study conducted by scientist Rob DeSalle confirmed conjecture that animal evolution is not a single sequence of occurrences, but in fact a multipronged progression. The discovery that the precursors of a nervous system in Placozoans and other lower lifeforms (invertebrates such as jellyfish) differ in their development from those found in higher ones shows that such systems may have evolved many times over in various groups of animals. According to DeSalle, systems and organs including the eye, the stomach, and the spine have evolved many times over in varying forms.

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Duke’s Former Dungeon Masters Invent Invisibility Cloak

1/16/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Hot Topics

The science community is zeroing in on an achievement previously only thought attainable by the most dedicated of Dungeon Masters. No, the creators of Axe Body spray haven’t added Level 5 charm spells to the list of their product’s active ingredients, but scientists at Duke University have been tinkering with the creation of an invisibility cloak - and they may be on the right track.

Formerly a pipe dream for lonely adolescent minds, the new technology has been brought to the brink of existence thanks to the invention of “metamaterials” that work to deflect microwaves around a 3-D object. This complex system turns the object of desired invisibility into more or less a mirage, as heat works to bend light rays thereby cloaking both behind and in front of an image. While the brand new discovery will most likely be an tool rife for military exploitation, one scientist is creatively considering using it to check out his friend’s totally hot sister in the shower…you know, just so he can test it out.

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Google Earth Just Got Awesomer

12/29/08 - Posted by Brian Burns under Hot Topics

British researchers have “discovered” a previously-uncharted part of our globe: a 27-mile stretch of forest around Mt. Mabu in Mozambique. The area, though known to natives, was unknown to the rest of the world (mostly because it lay within a brutal war zone as recently as 1992).

At least, it was unknown before the group of boy geniuses stumbled upon an unmarked patch of green forest on a GoogleMaps. We kid you not. The same application young professionals use to scope out apartments was just used to pinpoint a part of our own planet we didn’t know existed, and in turn helped us find hundreds of new species we didn’t know were there.

The find not only speaks to the majesty of our planet and the wonder of what still remains in our clear view, but it also speaks to the laziness of explorers these days. I mean, really? No one has, like, walked around in Southern Africa since 1992? You needed a computer to find a mountain?

Think about it - what would America be if Columbus had turn-by-turn GPS directions to East Asia? France, that’s what. And that would suck.

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Warm Brains? Yawn.

12/16/08 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Hot Topics

Recently, the mystery of why people yawn was smashed open with an infallible explanation. Scientists say that the function of yawning, which is interpreted as an indication of boredom or sleepiness, is to cool the brain, which is why we do it before we sleep. Ever try to sleep with a warm brain? Well, then you see what we mean.

To explain why yawns are contagious and can spread upon sight, Professor Andrew Gallup believes that it may be the evolution of a ritual of early man to stay alert in the face of danger. This conjecture replaces the previous explanation for the contagiousness of yawning that it is just a hip thing that all the kids are doing right now.

In a controlled experiment, students were asked to watch videos of people laughing, yawning, and golfing. Some were asked to place warm or cold packs on their heads. Their reactions were viewed by researchers through a one-way mirror. These hidden researchers processed the experiment’s results and uncovered the truth about yawning. While the importance of their work drove their dedication, their spirits were at times thwarted by the jeering of researchers from across the hall, who are working on a cure for leukemia.

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HOLY COW: 1000 New Species in Makong

12/16/08 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Hot Topics

Woohoo: New studies document the discovery of more than 1000 new species of plants and animals in a region of the Eastern Arc Mountains of Tanzania and Kenya.

Experts say that because these lifeforms are unique to this relatively small region, preservation of these lands is vastly important to the conservation movement made popular by the resurgance of the Ace Ventura movies. The troubled nations that house this region are now receiving the attention of environmental groups who are clearly more concerned with saving 96 animals, 832 plants and hundreds of invertebrates that they learned existed last week than the social and political unrest that has led to the deaths of scores of impoverished Africans.

While we have only just discovered these organisms, scientists who have been researching this new mammal (et al.) mecca say that many of these species have ancient lineage, indicated by their genetic make up. This provides a rare opportunity to uncover unknown facts about our own physiology through the study of primates such as the bushbaby, an animal about whom not much is known (except for testimonials from local tribespeople, who say that they are delicious).

While there is much excitement within the scientific community, environmental NGOs worldwide are exasperated that we only now came upon these species that may have had a better chance of survival if we had begun preservation efforts sooner. They will have to accept the reality that they were there for millions of years and we only heard about them last week, providing further evidence that we know so little about this planet we’re determined we can save.

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