Search the realtime web - the news, stories and videos people are talking about right now.

Posts Tagged ‘Sex’

9-1-1 is no Joke

11/13/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under US

picture-2616

The Story: A man gets jail time after making a booty-call to 911.  OneRiot helps you determine when you should, and when you shouldn’t, dial those three little digits.

The Search: Sex 911 Call

According to the Public Safety and Homeland Security Bureau, “911 lines are designated for emergency calls, such as reporting a crime in progress, reporting a fire, or requesting an ambulance.”  Notice that nowhere in that official description is there mention of a “sexual emergency”.  If only Joshua Basso had access to that description prior to calling those three digits, he’d have saved himself from a heap of trouble…and not sexy trouble like getting a flat tire in a porn film. The 29-year-old Tampa Resident was arrested after aiming lewd comments at a 9-1-1 operator and subsequently throwing in a little “my place or yours” action in the hopes of completing a titillating tryst with said catastrophe clerk.  While we understand Basso’s reluctance to dial a 1-900 number on account of the hefty cost, there are certain things you just can’t justify calling a public emergency hotline for–and dirty talk is most certainly one of them.  In order to get a handle on other emergency phone-pas, OneRiot is taking a stroll down memory lane and throwing in some new suggestions of our own of when not to call 9-1-1.

1.Fast Food Fix- From the woman in Haltom City, Texas who dialed the three magic numbers to complain that her local Chinese restaurant had been skimping on the shrimp to the recent incident in Hawaii when a drive-thru customer rang to complain over a missing box of OJ from his Mickey D’s breakfast; these are situations best left for a managerial complaint or the Better Business Bureau, lest the cops consider the withholding of a single prawn to be a hostage situation.

2. When You’re Being Adorable- Kids are adorable…and sometimes adorable kids make life saving phone calls.  Sometimes they just want help with their math homework. Awww. (more…)

Tags: , ,

Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop // Sex Hits the Highway

4/14/09 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under International Affairs

If Fast & Furious producers had any trouble determining a premise for the series’ next flick, their prayers have been answered (and slapped with an R-rating). An ambitious couple was arrested in Oslo for apparently doing the dirty at a whopping 133km/h—sexing speeds that, until now, were pretty much relegated to Japanese bullet trains, passenger aircraft, and Jason Statham.

Superintendent Tor Stein Hagen (unrelated to our editor, Carmel Hagen, we think) suggested that he’d never witnessed something so illegal yet so provocative in all his years on the force. District police decided the most appropriate action was to revoke the driver’s license, mostly due to the fact that while performing the act of copulation, “He couldn’t see much [of the road] because her back was in the way.” On behalf of the male portion of OneRiot’s staff, we agree with the sentencing, but believe someone owes this couple a high five.

Tags: , ,

Vermont May Support Teen Textuality

4/13/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Economy, Politics, US

Following the recent rash of controversial occurrences revolving around horny teenagers diddling around with technology, the sexually progressive state of Vermont is toying with the idea of encouraging trashy behavior in teenagers by legalizing the act of ’sexting.’ Sexting is defined as sending of naughty pictures or messages over the world wide phoneweb and under current law, when carried out between consenting teenagers falls under the category of child pornography where those found guilty become slapped with the sex offender label.

Whether or not the law is passed decriminalizing the act most Vermont teens will continue experiment with their sexuality either on myspace or a ratty couch in a friends wood paneled basement while their parents are away. The state however could have plans to discourage budding teen textuality in other ways, like distributing cellular jimmy hats and via state run programs such as “practicing safe cybersex” and “virtual abstinence”.

Tags: , ,

Notorious Boner Apologizes

11/21/08 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Gossip, Politics

While most Americans don’t often find the need to apologize for doing their jobs right, one starry-eyed escort found that her talents led her to the painful truth that she had hurt someone’s feelings.

Ashley Alexandra Dupre, who notoriously boned former New York governor Eliot Spitzer, says that the day she realized that her client was resigning due to the discovery of their liaison, she felt remorse for the pain experienced by Spitzer’s wife Silda. This prompted an apology from the Spring-2008-famous call-girl: “I’m sorry for your pain.” She offered no apology for the pain inflicted on the former governor himself, which was apparently requested specifically during their encounters.

In elaborating on her meetings with Spitzer, Dupre said that he was not interested in conversation, unlike her other clients who found her perspectives on literature, philosophy and current events to be fascinating. She described him as “strictly business,” treating the experience as a transaction and Dupre as somewhat of an object, to the prostitute’s surprise and dismay. Little other detail was offered by Dupre except that Spitzer dressed casually apart from a sash bearing the word ‘Governor,’ which he refused to take off.

Dupre has decided to leave her career as a lady of the evening, and plans on making a smooth transition into music, fashion, and “writing books,” which publishers are already speculating will top best-seller lists in the high-profile-prostitute-politician-encounter-tell-all genre upon release.

Tags: , ,

Partnership

Recent Comments

Gossip

  • Johnny Depp Brings the Sex

    11/18/09

    The Story: Johnny Depp was named the sexiest man alive according to People magazine.  But is he man enough for this title?
    The Search: Sexy Johnny Depp
    I’m a man, and I find men disgusting. I look at other men, and the last adjective that comes to mind is ’sexy’. However, I can’t deny that among the [...]

    read more…

  • Appropriate Publicity Techniques

    11/12/09

    The Story: Carrie Prejean became extremely flustered while on-air with Larry King.  OneRiot breaks down her interviewing tactics, and helps her further her public speaking skills.

    The Search: Larry King & Carrie Prejean
    With all the pseudo-celebrities emerging over the past decade or so, we at OneRiot have grown increasingly concerned that people are getting famous for [...]

    read more…

  • The Galactic Search for Love

    11/11/09

    The Story: Diaper-wearing Astronaut Lisa Nowak was sentenced today for her cross-country crime.  OneRiot casts the movie featuring the out of this world love triangle.
    The Search: Lisa Nowak Sentence
    Astronaut love is not like regular person love. Maybe that’s why the 2004 story of Lisa Nowak and the space-love triangle that caused her to drive 1000 [...]

    read more…

  • Renaming Mel Gibson’s Octo-Spawn

    11/03/09

    The Summary: Mel Gibson becomes a father of eight children - and OneRiot renames them all.
    The Search: Mel Gibson’s Baby
    Everyone loves when celebrities have babies, because the names they grace them with offer solid proof that they operate on a whole different plane of existence. However, the latest celebrity couple to a offer a up [...]

    read more…

  • Jackson Biography Draws the Attention of Hollywood & Interweb

    10/28/09

    In a triumphant posthumous return to the trending topics, Michael Jackson reared his beautifully-singing head on the social web when chatter about the release of his film biography reminded everyone just how influential his passing was. The new picture documents the life of the icon, along with (very) recent footage of Jackson prepping for his [...]

    read more…

Updates

Partnership

Stuff We’re Watching

  • http://www.vimeo.com/7235817
  • http://www.vimeo.com/6958283
  • http://www.vimeo.com/6788487

Tweet Tweet

    more tweets
     

    You need to log in to vote

    The blog owner requires users to be logged in to be able to vote for this post.

    Alternatively, if you do not have an account yet you can create one here.

    Powered by Vote It Up