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Posts Tagged ‘Sex’

Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop // Sex Hits the Highway

4/14/09 - Posted by Christopher Reinhard under International Affairs

If Fast & Furious producers had any trouble determining a premise for the series’ next flick, their prayers have been answered (and slapped with an R-rating). An ambitious couple was arrested in Oslo for apparently doing the dirty at a whopping 133km/h—sexing speeds that, until now, were pretty much relegated to Japanese bullet trains, passenger aircraft, and Jason Statham.

Superintendent Tor Stein Hagen (unrelated to our editor, Carmel Hagen, we think) suggested that he’d never witnessed something so illegal yet so provocative in all his years on the force. District police decided the most appropriate action was to revoke the driver’s license, mostly due to the fact that while performing the act of copulation, “He couldn’t see much [of the road] because her back was in the way.” On behalf of the male portion of OneRiot’s staff, we agree with the sentencing, but believe someone owes this couple a high five.

Vermont May Support Teen Textuality

4/13/09 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Economy, Politics, US

Following the recent rash of controversial occurrences revolving around horny teenagers diddling around with technology, the sexually progressive state of Vermont is toying with the idea of encouraging trashy behavior in teenagers by legalizing the act of ’sexting.’ Sexting is defined as sending of naughty pictures or messages over the world wide phoneweb and under current law, when carried out between consenting teenagers falls under the category of child pornography where those found guilty become slapped with the sex offender label.

Whether or not the law is passed decriminalizing the act most Vermont teens will continue experiment with their sexuality either on myspace or a ratty couch in a friends wood paneled basement while their parents are away. The state however could have plans to discourage budding teen textuality in other ways, like distributing cellular jimmy hats and via state run programs such as “practicing safe cybersex” and “virtual abstinence”.

Notorious Boner Apologizes

11/21/08 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Gossip, Politics

While most Americans don’t often find the need to apologize for doing their jobs right, one starry-eyed escort found that her talents led her to the painful truth that she had hurt someone’s feelings.

Ashley Alexandra Dupre, who notoriously boned former New York governor Eliot Spitzer, says that the day she realized that her client was resigning due to the discovery of their liaison, she felt remorse for the pain experienced by Spitzer’s wife Silda. This prompted an apology from the Spring-2008-famous call-girl: “I’m sorry for your pain.” She offered no apology for the pain inflicted on the former governor himself, which was apparently requested specifically during their encounters.

In elaborating on her meetings with Spitzer, Dupre said that he was not interested in conversation, unlike her other clients who found her perspectives on literature, philosophy and current events to be fascinating. She described him as “strictly business,” treating the experience as a transaction and Dupre as somewhat of an object, to the prostitute’s surprise and dismay. Little other detail was offered by Dupre except that Spitzer dressed casually apart from a sash bearing the word ‘Governor,’ which he refused to take off.

Dupre has decided to leave her career as a lady of the evening, and plans on making a smooth transition into music, fashion, and “writing books,” which publishers are already speculating will top best-seller lists in the high-profile-prostitute-politician-encounter-tell-all genre upon release.

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  • jay October 26, 2009 11:16 pm i think kloe is hot. id do her lol thats not lady like of me but i would.
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Gossip

  • Renaming Mel Gibson’s Octo-Spawn

    11/03/09

    The Summary: Mel Gibson becomes a father of eight children - and OneRiot renames them all.
    The Search: Mel Gibson’s Baby
    Everyone loves when celebrities have babies, because the names they grace them with offer solid proof that they operate on a whole different plane of existence. However, the latest celebrity couple to a offer a up [...]

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  • Jackson Biography Draws the Attention of Hollywood & Interweb

    10/28/09

    In a triumphant posthumous return to the trending topics, Michael Jackson reared his beautifully-singing head on the social web when chatter about the release of his film biography reminded everyone just how influential his passing was. The new picture documents the life of the icon, along with (very) recent footage of Jackson prepping for his [...]

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  • With Great Power Comes Great Twesponsibility

    10/15/09

    Last night, thousands of status updates were sent out into the Twittersphere by concerned individuals who believed they were passing on an Amber Alert for a three year old boy. Descriptions of the perp’s Mitsubishi Eclipse and license plate spread like wildfire, and #98B351 quickly became a trending topic. Not long after, celebrity @KhloeKardashian retweeted [...]

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  • Jon and Kate Plus Eight Minus Jon

    9/29/09

    Bad news, Ed Hardy fans: it’s been scientifically (read: conditionally) proven (read: suggested) that wearing the brand 24/7 will ruin your career. At least, that’s what it—coupled with a series of other bad decisions—did for Jon Gosselin. The horrific fashion victim, best known for his appearances on the reality program Jon and Kate Plus [...]

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  • Imma Let U Finish But Kim Was the Most Famous Kardashian of ALL TIME

    9/24/09

    It’s kind of unfair: pro basketball players are typically ginormous, but they’re always hanging out with diminutive cheerleaders, models and actresses. While we fully support the concept of giving the spoils to the victors (did you see our sweet news coverage, by the way?), it’s nice to know that at least one monolithic baller is [...]

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