Though Egypt has no reported cases of swine flu, the country has decided to take a murderous precautionary measure. Not only shall first born pigs be smote, but all 300,000 have been ordered to death. Officials will also take steps to patrol the rivers looking for any tiny piglets swaddled in a floating basket.

Pig farmers are not happy (surprise!). The government, however, does not understand their concern because the meat of the pigs will still be available for sale. And besides, this only effects the 10% of the population that is Christian and can eat pork, while the 80% of Muslims are forbidden to enjoy the glory of bacon.

But alas, there is hope for the cousins of Babe and Wilbur! In protest, many farm workers have left their posts and refused to kill any pigs, so it may not happen at all. The same thing occurred in 2008, when the government ordered a mass genocide of four-legged beings after fear of disease arose, but it was never put into action. Back in 2006, when bird flu arrived in Egypt, pigs were suppose to be kept separate from birds as well as humans, but this also…wait for it…never happened.

Swine and Christ-lovers are waiting to see how things will play out with baited breath. Mad cows, avian species, and that one monkey suspected of spreading AIDS to the United States have sent their support with well wishes and prayers.