1/15/10 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Because We Feel Like it
The Story: The Doomsday Clock has given us an extra minute until total annihilation–But this clock doesn’t account for a couple other destruction factors:
The Search: Doomsday Clock
Scientists managing the doomsday clock gave mankind a whole lot of credit today by giving humanity a symbolic extra minute. The clock, which was been teetering on the midnight hour representing disaster since 1947, is now at 6 minutes to 12:00, indicating to the earth’s population that our efforts to curb climate change and quell the prospect of a global nuclear massacre has steered us in the direction away from total destruction. While we respect what purveyors of the doomsday clock are trying to indicate, we think it’s a bit presumptuous to assume that we will cause our own demise on this planet. It could very well be that the universe has it’s own plans for us.
Meteor
The limited human perception that limits us from witnessing the cosmic demolition derby that is our solar system allows us to forget how quickly we could be wiped off the face of the earth, leaving the earth in tact. This happening will have nothing to do with our lifestyles or our treatment of the planet, nor will it take into account our feelings, hopes, and dreams, nor does it have concern for our belief in karma or the golden rule. It will simply remove us from the picture. Not nearly as grand as the option on the other end of the spectrum… Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: Disaster, Doomsday, Theories
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1/15/10 - Posted by Tobias Peggs under OneRiot News
Big News Folks: After a hugely successful pilot phase, we are now announcing the general availability of our realtime ad network, RiotWise, for all developers to monetize their mobile apps, desktop clients, social search engines, and other applications in the realtime web space.
Announcement Details:
- RiotWise ads are contextually relevant in realtime, resulting in high Click Through Rates (CTR). Advertisers include a range of publishers such as entertainment sites, sports networks, and news organizations. Dynamically created ads link to quality content from these publishers that relates directly to a users’ realtime search term or a global trending topic.
- RiotWise ads have been performing at 3-4 times industry standard CTR for ads in realtime web apps, delivering significant revenue to developers.
- Developers have flexibility to display RiotWise ads in a manner that best suits users of their particular application. For example, partners such as Digsby (the wildly popular social messaging client) and ÜberTwitter (the #1 Twitter Client for BlackBerry) are showing ads directly in the realtime stream. Other implementations include more traditional mobile banner placements or the familiar AdSense-style text block.
- OneRiot shares advertiser revenue with developers.
Tags: Advertising, Developers, OneRiot
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1/14/10 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Hot Topics
The Story: Pat Robertson shocked millions when he proclaimed that the earthquake in Haiti was due to a pact with the devil. What other theories does this man have?
The Search: Pat Robertson
If ignorance is indeed bliss, being Fundamentalist Christian minister Pat Robertson must be the most blissful existence of all. The host of the “700 Club” (presumably named so because that was the year in which their antiquated ideas were still relevant) had the audacity to blame the Haitian people for the earthquake tragedy that befell them this past week. He conjured up a centuries old pact with the devil (i.e. George Burns) the Haitan people made to rid themselves of the imperialist French and “Napoleon III or whatever” as the reason for the nation’s ever-worsening condition, comparing it with it’s prosperous neighbor on the Isle of Hispaniola, the Dominican Republic- a resort destination whose booze-fueled spring breaks have no doubt been touched by an angel. While we have a hard time believing that the good lord decided on a whim to make things exponentially worse for what is perhaps the Western Hemisphere’s most destitute nation, Robertson’s comments got us thinking…what other crazily ignorant things might this dinosaur amongst men actually believe. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: Earthquake, Haiti, Religion
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1/14/10 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Hot Topics
The Story: Obama is putting his foot down and calling out the banks. While he’s at it, how bout’ taking it a bit further.
The Search: Obama Banks
Perhaps president Obama didn’t realize who he was dealing with when he promised last years big financial bailout. The very same companies whose greed and unscrupulous behaviors created a bubble that burst on all of us were given the task of fixing things. No one in the executive branch considered that these guys might just use the bailout to take care of themselves, as they have always done, and move on with the task of making gigantic stacks of money. It came to light recently that this exactly what happened, with banker bonuses reaching seven digit figures while consumers are seeing no real benefit from the financial institutions that should have been fixed. Looking back, Barack Obama sees his blunder and is scrambling to fix it. Today he called for banks to repay what he called a ‘financial crisis responsibility fee’ of $117 billion.
While we’re getting paid back for things, how about a few other past expenditures?
Underemployment benefits–That whopping 10% unemployment rate is scary, until you look at the measurement and it gets scarier. It only accounts for those filing for unemployment, and you can only do that if you once had a job. It doesn’t include kids who graduated from college into this hell mess and don’t have the experience to get a job or a job to get the experience. Adding in these masses paints a much sorrier picture, and these people are a very real part of the potential work force that is not participating in the economy. Why not stimulate this segment with a little spending cash to give rise to the entrepreneurial spirit of Americans in their creative prime? Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: Banks, money, Obama
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1/13/10 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under Hot Topics
The Story: What kind of twists are the creators of Lost going to throw at us this season? We’ve got a few guesses.
The Search: LOST Season 6 ABC
American network TV has a method of ensuring that all programs broadcast are quality and stay quality. That’s why terribly written shows like Freaks and Geeks and Arrested Development get canceled and completely original shows like Glee see instant renewal. As long as the people are watching, the show must go on, and nothing keeps people watching like absolute bewilderment (something the public has been addicted to since the rise of 24 hour political news coverage). That’s why the writers of Lost have been scrambling to keep your attention with enough plot twists to choke a smoke monster. With the upcoming sixth season reportedly containing the densest story lines yet, we at OneRiot have started placing bets on occurrences.
It is all Hurley’s dream
This explanation popped up in season 2, episode 18 and never really got much attention, considering it’s probably the most plausible twist the show has come up with. That’s right, the ‘it was all a dream’ gimmick beats out any of the island’s inexplicable logic. The problem with the island is the same problem atheists have with the scriptural god: if it’s so mysterious and powerful, then why is it so emotional? An island that transcends time and space probably shouldn’t care about which whiny humans are actually living on it, and likely wouldn’t bend things around in the real world to get the ones who left back. I mean, why did it want Ben back? That guy sucks. Odds: 8 to 1. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: ABC, LOST, TV
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1/13/10 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Because We Feel Like it
The Story: The Carnival Cougar Cruise has been discontinued. What’s an aging lady and a cub got to do to find some love?
The Search: Cougar Cruise
As the popular old mating adage goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Well, as it turns out, there are more than just fish. The dating waters of the Pacific got a little more crowded recently when its natural aquatic inhabitants were joined by more than 300 Cougars ready to pounce on some fresh cub meat as part of the Singles Travel Co. and Society of Single Professionals “Cougar Cruise.” Putting both young men ripe for the taking and the aging female sexual predators who adore them on the same Love Boat seemed like a no-brainer. While the idea of hosting this buoyant zoo of May-December courtship originally appealed to the motion of the ocean experts at Carnival Cruise lines, the company ultimately decided supporting such events were not for them, lest they have to change their name from “Carnival” to “Carnal.” With the discontinuation of these floating meet markets, also comes the untimely extinction of some of their more innovative entertainment practices that may or may not have occurred on board. So until the Cougar cruise gets picked up by “Royal Carribean” here are a few fun features that threaten to go the way of the seafaring dodo.
Are You My Mommy?- In this role playing game, ladies dress in leopard print leotards as their diaper clad young suitors crawl around knocking on random doors asking the question “Are you my mommy?” The answer is usually yes…and most of the time the mommy determines that her son has been a naughty boy and needs a spanking. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: Cruise, Vacation, Women
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1/13/10 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under Hot Topics
When major world events occur, millions of people turn to the news to stay abreast of the situation. While the internet has been an instrumental tool in delivering content, traditional search has struggled with delivering fresh breaking news as it emerges. It is when these unforeseen situations occur, the importance of the realtime web is demonstrated. Like a flood, people pour in from across the globe to get breaking updates on a current story. Whether tracking a missing boy across the Colorado skyline or updated releases on a celebrity death, the masses want to be informed as it happens without delay.
The latest news event to reach and affect millions is that of the catastrophic 7.0 earthquake in Haiti. Millions of individuals have had their world completely devastated and upturned, while thousands of others have lost their lives, or the lives of their loved ones. While realtime updates continue to pour into our search with the aftermath including shocking statistics of individuals affected and pictures of rubble and debris, we’re also seeing more and more websites dedicated to Haiti relief efforts emerging. While many of us Americans watch in sadness from our TV sets and computers, the realtime web is now providing us ways to show our support and rally for those people in need–not several days after an event like this has occured, but almost immediately following.
We spent some time looking at ways you can aid the relief efforts. The sites are as follows:
There are several other places where you can make pledges and donations to help this horrendous situation. While we cannot do anything to change what mother nature has brought, we can stay informed and do our part to lend a hand to those in need.
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1/12/10 - Posted by Abdullah Saeed under OneRiot News
The Story: 104 year old strongman Joe Rollino may be gone, but his legend lives on.
The Search: Joe Rollino
The glorious life and times of Coney Island strongman Joe Rollino were not matched by his demise. At the age of 104, after a long and fruitful career of bench pressing pick up trucks and tossing obese children like medicine balls, strongman Joe succumbed to his only weakness—getting hit by a minivan. We at OneRiot are big fans of feats of strength and were deeply saddened by Joe’s passing. While we celebrate his long, full life, we would have wished him a death more befitting of a such a strong strongman. For example:
The Great White
This voluntary death involves taking a large dose of stimulants and diving into the sea with only and spear gun and a hunting knife to face a great white shark as a final standoff. The Great White is the holy grail of dangerous animal killing enthusiasts (as rated by Dangerous Animal Killing Magazine’s 2009 Wrap Up issue), and even if he lost the bout, it would have been one hell of a heroic send off. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: Death, Strongman
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1/12/10 - Posted by Jennifer Hodges under OneRiot News
We’ve been busy little bees here at OneRiot, all so we can bring you the latest buzz on the web. Today our engineers worked their magic to give OneRiot some updates which will give you a more interactive, relevant, and realtime search experience. Now, we’re not saying that we timed these tweaks to sync up perfectly with last night’s juicy episode of The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love so we could deliver you all the latest Jakey drama, but coincidence? (Our search technology guys are total “Rozlyn supporters.”)
Whether you’re on Team Ashleigh or Team Tenley, we can all agree on wanting the freshest data as it emerges—and OneRiot’s the only place to be to get the inside scoop before it hits the rest of the world.
And if you can’t get enough of your celebrity drama, hop on over to @JuicyPulse for Hollywood scandals, celebrity romance and B-list boo boos, from sites like TMZ, PopSugar & Perez Hilton sent directly to your Twitter account. Powered by OneRiot.
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1/12/10 - Posted by Evan Kessler under Because We Feel Like it
The Story: A new perpetrator is on the loose, but instead of holding you at gunpoint, he’s holding you in a warm embrace.
The Search: Georgetown Cuddler
In this day and age of International terrorism and ponzi schemes that leave people both morally and financially bankrupt, it’s somewhat nice to hear of a crime where nobody gets hurt even if there is a certain creepy factor involved. This past Sunday a D.C.-area woman awoke to find a strange man who obviously didn’t get enough positive reinforcement as a child, in bed with her getting his spoon on. Her reasonable reaction to this uncomfortable situation was to scream and flee the scene. Police have yet to catch this burglar of nighttime embraces just yet, but they say his M.O. sounds strikingly similar to that of the “Georgetown Cuddler” (not making this up), which we think sounds much nicer than “Zodiac Killer” or “Son of Sam.” While we admit there is nothing too desirable about waking up with a strange person in your bed when that act has not been aided by last evening’s alcoholic intake, the name of said deviant has awakened in us a need to think up a few less menacing monikers for slightly more benign practitioners of “crime.” So without further ado our idea of the lowest on the list of America’s Most Wanted:
The Boston Breakfast In Bed Bandit- Similar to the “Georgetown Cuddler” the “Boston Breakfast In Bed Bandit” breaks into your house. However, his hands are only put to use in the kitchen instead of your torso as he deftly makes use of anything and everything in your kitchen to prepare for you a dazzling five-star breakfast in bed. The only downside is by the time he’s done, you have to go food shopping again.
Seattle’s Stealth Stylist- This clandestine criminal works just as well under the cover of night as he/she does during the day to give unsuspecting citizens total style makeovers. Police have a few leads and have narrowed the suspects down to the out of work Queer Eye guys and castoffs of Bravo’s “Shear Genius” series. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: Crime, Cuddling, Wanted
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